


The Strangest Kidnapping, Like, Ever

by d3adendsinmymind



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, And Light loves the death note, And no one cares, Beyond Birthday is His Own Warning, Bottom Yagami Light, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Enemies to Lovers, First Time, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, L just wants cake, Light has daddy issues, Light hates Mcdonalds, Light's kidnapped, M/M, Matt is thirsty for Misa tbh, Mello's a dick, Misa loves Light, Phone Sex, Rem comes back from the dead, Ryuk just wants to watch the world burn, Smut, The henchmen share one collective braincell, Top Mello | Mihael Keehl, slowburn, soichiro yagami is a bad dad, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:07:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 33,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28043664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d3adendsinmymind/pseuds/d3adendsinmymind
Summary: Life is going great for Light Yagami. Well, as great as it can be considering he is suspected of mass murder by the world's greatest detective and is always dealing with the burden of becoming God of the New World. But, despite all of these grievances, Light has a plan for his life. That is, until he wakes up on the other side of the world tied to a chair. As Light desperately tries to escape his annoying yet terrifying blonde Mafia kidnapper, his emotions start to get the better of him. Will Light give up everything he holds dear just for a chance at love?
Relationships: Amane Misa/Matt | Mail Jeevas, Amane Misa/Yagami Light, Beyond Birthday/L, Mello | Mihael Keehl/Yagami Light
Comments: 42
Kudos: 84





	1. Would it be possible to make a phone call?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fanfiction ever, and honestly it's kind of a shit show. But i'm actually proud of this shit show. Basically, I kept wanting to find Mello x Light fanfictions. And there were so few out there, I decided to contribute to the mix. Even though these two have never actually spoken, I think they'd be an...interesting couple. To say the least. Also, L isn't killed by Rem in this fanfiction. Because episode 25 broke my heart. So, sit back and enjoy! Hopefully these characters aren't too out of character. And, hopefully, Ryuk doesn't kill anybody.....yet;)

Considering that he was the brightest student in Japan, it didn’t take Light long to deduce he had been kidnapped. Upon waking up, he was obviously disoriented. He had a sharp pain beating down his right temple. The last thing he remembered was leaving Headquarters to meet up with Misa. He must have been intercepted along the way. He faintly remembered seeing two burly looking men walking at an alarmingly close pace behind him. Now, he seemed to be tied to a chair. But, surprisingly, he wasn’t in some run down warehouse.

No, the place he was being detained in was extremely luxurious. It was a quite spacious room with high ceiling, and it was painted a deep wine red. Many computers lined the wall to his left. The setup, alarmingly, rivaled the one at Headquarters. A plush, zebra printed rug lie under his feet. A lamp from across the room gave off an eerie red hue. Across from him was a large leather couch and on either side of the room were two leather chairs. Bitterly, he wished that he could’ve been tied to one of those. The flimsy wooden chair he was tied to was starting to hurt his ass. 

*This is no way for the God of the New World to be treated.* He thought bitterly.

Along with his backsides discomfort, Light was sure that by now his hair had been messed up as well. As a reflex he reached up to touch his brunette mane. Obviously, the handcuffs that were fashioned on his wrists permitted him from doing so.

Though his carefully crafted mask wouldn’t show it, Light began to panic. Since he had grown up in a good and loving family he had never been kidnapped before. He was the golden child of Japan, he lived in one of the best neighborhoods in Kanto. Even as a child, whenever a creeper would leer at him in the park, nothing had ever happened. His father was the chief of the NPA for heavens sake! He did everything that was expected of him always, and was always polite. Now just who would want to kidnap him? Not to mention he was Kira! Obviously, the kidnappers wouldn’t know about that. But the thought still stung. This was a major blow to Light’s pride. It wasn’t very God-like to be bound to a chair in a mysterious, yet weirdly well decorated room.

*Don’t panic.* Light forced himself to think after noticing he was breathing quite heavily. *If this was someone who wished to bring me harm, why would they keep me alive? Wouldn’t they have killed me the second they laid hands on me? Unless, this is one of those twisted serial killers who derives pleasure from torturing their victims to death?* Light shuddered at the thought. If he died at the hands of this crime, Kira wouldn’t be able to exact righteous punishment upon this criminal. Plus, all the scenerios of being tortured flashed through his mind. He let out a breath of fear. Getting tortured was not something that happened to nice, well-behaved boys such as Light. He could deduce that this wasn’t an assassin, seeing as he was still alive. However, that didn’t mean that this wasn’t the work of a serial killer.

*But, would a serial killer really have such a lavish hideout?* He mused to himself to cease the ever-rising panic that was quickly forming. *Okay, let’s assume that this isn’t the work of a serial killer. Hopefully, my deduction is correct. But what would be the purpose of kidnapping me? Unless this is random, and they do not know who my father is? It would be pretty dumb to kidnap the son of a police chief. Although, maybe they know exactly who I am. Maybe this is an attempt at ransom? Or maybe these criminals want a pardon on a case? Or maybe they want to..NO* Light quickly perished the thought, but still a new unbridled panic clawed it’s way up his chest. For a moment, he felt like he was having a heart attack. *No one would go through this much trouble for a rape.* He tried to assure himself. *And besides, that would never happen to me, not again anyway. I forbid it* He thought childishly. Much to his dismay, his body actually started to squirm against the restraints. This was not good. No, this would look like he was frightened. And Light Yagami was never frightened, unless of course one of his family members were to have some sort of harm come there way. Fear was an ugly emotion, one that the perfect teen could not allow to let himself feel. Light was always supposed to appear cool and collected. He cursed his previous experience to allow his body to react this way. Fear is most definitely what his kidnappers wanted to see. That is, of course, if he was being monitored. *Which i surely am. I mean, look at this setup! No, there is no way a rookie would be able to pull this off. My kidnapper is definitely a professional.*

Since he was still dressed in his typical suit and tie attire, he felt quite hot. He felt sweat collect in his brown bangs. *Oh perfect, now I look nervous and my hair is getting greasy!* He angrily scowled. Would it have killed his kidnappers to install a fan in this room?

A door opened quickly and rudely interrupted his thought process. About 6 men began to enter the room. Light indiscreetly gulped, these men definitely looked capable to kidnap, rape, torture, and kill him. He recognized two of the men as the ones who had trailed him. He mentally face palmed. *Why couldn’t I have been more careful?* he mentally scolded herself. Normally, Light, was overly cautious and paranoid. He had been that way since he was a mere child, and paranoia had only increased after he became a mass killer. But with all the thoughts of L and Misa now constantly asking for a ‘little Light’, he had been distracted. *Stupid, stupid Misa!* He thought, once again blaming anything and everything on his blonde girlfriend. *If she hadn’t practically begged me to go out to lunch I would be nice and safe inside of Headquarters.* If he managed to get out of this alive, he definitely would have to start walking around with body guards. While the thought might sound silly, it had always kind of appealed to him. Powerful people always had protection. And Light fancied himself to be the most powerful person of all.

His eyes widened slightly when he suddenly noticed that two of the men were carrying quite large guns. They looked to be assault riffles. While the other two carried handguns. If Light was a lesser man, he probably would have had a quite troubling wet spot appear on his trousers in this moment. These kidnappers were definitely not messing around. *Why would they need guns anyway? It not like i could get out of my chains and hurt them myself, especially with how large they all are. And i’m quite outnumbered at that. And even if I did have my notebook with me, I don’t know any of their names. If- no WHEN i get out of here i will somehow have to find all of their names and kill them. Maybe even in a more disturbing way then a heart attack.* he mused. The guns must have been there simply for an intimidation tactic. If only he could just write their names down! He’d be free in less than a minute! *Where’s Ryuk when you actually need him?* He thought before silently laughing. Like Ryuk would ever lift a finger to help Light, unless of course it involved his precious little apples. *No, if Ryuk was here he’d probably laugh at how out of my depth I am here.* Light was actually grateful that the annoying shinigami was absent, at least for the time being.

The men surrounded him, and seemed to be waiting for him to demand where he was. Or to at least start begging for his life. *Light Yagami does not beg* Light smugly thought. He then wondered how stupid it would be for him to just sit there. Would they get annoyed by his lack of reaction and start beating him? *Oh no, no one had better lay a finger on me.* Light’s worry suddenly increased tenfold. Though physical roughing up was probably inevitably going to happen no matter what, Light took great pride in his appearance. He didn’t want any hooligans permanently maiming him! Light figured he better try to be as nice as possible to these men, much to his dismay. Now, hopefully his smart mouth didn’t get in the way…

After he had stared at all the men for a long while, he opened his mouth to speak. He couldn’t quite determine who the leader was, so he hoped the first person to speak to him would be the one responsible for his unfortunate capture. 

“Would it be possible to make a phone call?” Light asked, ever so politely. Even though he knew it was an absurd question, he hoped it would show how not completely terrified he was.

Rather than answering him, the men looked around, confused. Light then realized he had spoken in Japanese. Great, foreign kidnappers. Though he knew many languages, with his luck these people spoke one of the few he didn’t know.

“Uh…we no speak Chinese?” one of the kidnappers slowly offered, as if talking to a halfwit! One of the kidnappers closest to him elbowed him in the ribs. “Idiot, he’s not gonna know what you said!” The other man grumbled.

*English!* Light joyfully thought. Besides Japanese, English was a language that he could speak fluently. “Actually I can speak English. And it’s Japanese not Chinese.” He responded, trying not to sound to irritated. They had kidnapped him and couldn’t even differentiate what race he was? Maybe the kidnappers were dumber than he originally thought.

“Oh shit! That wasn’t racist was it? Because I didn’t mean to commit a hate crime.” The kidnapper hastily proclaimed. Light mentally rolled his eyes. This man reminded him of a more tattooed Matsuda. He assessed that this man definitely was NOT the leader. 

“Shut up Mark. That’s not what a hate crime is.” The man next to who was apparently Mark rolled his eyes. He then turned his attention to Light. “So what did you ask us from before?”

“….Would it be possible to make a phone call?” Light stated again, suddenly feeling very self conscious as the men stared at him blankly. He realized too late that this question probably made him look to have the same IQ as Mark over there. 

The kidnappers suddenly burst out laughing. The one closest to Light stopped laughing to ask “I’m sorry, do you not know how a kidnapping works?”

“Well even after criminals are apprehended, they at least get a phone call.” Light said, annoyed at being laughed at.

“No you don’t get a phone call.” the kidnapper who reprimanded Mark snapped. 

“…Well do you know how long the duration of my stay here is going to last? I was on my way to a date, which I’m now going to be late for.” Light stated, still polite as ever. 

"Buddy, you’re already way too late for a date, you’ve been out for a full day!” One of the kidnappers, who he recognized as being one of the ones following him, chuckled. 

“I’ve been passed out for a day?” Light gasped before he could stop himself. “Just where am I?” He assumed he was in an english speaking country, but at this point he couldn’t be sure of anything. 

“Well I’ll tell you where we definitely aren’t, California.” Mark hastily replied. 

“Mark you stupid asshole! Boss said we weren’t supposed to tell him where he was, the location is supposed to be secret.” One of the kidnapped snapped angrily.

“But I told him we weren’t in California!” Mark argued.

The other five men just stayed silent, glaring at Mark for his stupidity. 

“Just go sit on the couch! You’ve lost your right to speak!” A dark haired kidnapper with a skull tattoo on his bicep snapped, slightly raising his gun.

“…Yes sir, Jeffery sir.” Mark replied dejectedly, sitting down on the couch. 

“And don’t call me that! Its just Jeff.” Jeffery, or rather Jeff, scowled.

“ Why would I be in California? I don’t know anyone here! Do you know who my father is? He’s the chief of the NPA! And even though we are not in Japan at the moment, kidnapping is still a very serious crime no matter what continent you’re on!” Light ranted, politeness gone. He was starting to get very fed up with the situation. And his ass was now starting to REALLY hurt.

“Oh we all know who your daddy is..” Jeff drawled, smirking.

“So then, what this is some ransom attempt?” Light asked.

“You could say that…” A bald man chuckled.

“I demand to speak to your boss, which one of you is it?’ Light demanded.

“Oh he’s not here at the moment, but don’t worry he’ll come soon enough and then you can take your bitching up with him. I’m sure he’ll enjoy that.” the bald man informed him darkly.

*Bitching?* Light thought angrily.

“I apologize if you took my tone as offensive, but I feel I have been a model hostage, all things considered.” Light stated, primly.

The men just stared at him, and then burst into laughter. Light could feel a vein pulsing in his head. How the hell was any of this funny?

“My father will be looking for me, y’know.” Light added over their laughter bitterly.

“Oh but he’ll never find you.” Jeff responded, still laughing.

“Especially if you keep up that perfect school boy act. You’re really starting to piss me off. How do you think daddy would find you if you were sleeping with the fish?” The bald man said threateningly, hitting his face sharply and then pushing a gun up to his head. Light suddenly felt his mind go blank.

The door then swung open again. The kidnappers and Light turned to observe who the newcomer was.

Light felt the gun being lowered from his head and quickly his annoyance and indignation returned, like he hadn’t almost just been shot. He could feel blood leaking down his face from where he had just been struck. *Hopefully that doesn’t scar.* Light thought miserably.

“S-sorry boss! He just kept asking stupid questions, and it was really Rod’s fault…” Jeff hurriedly tried to explain, as if Light was meant not to be harmed.

Though blood was obscuring his vision, Light barely managed not to gape. His kidnapper was a women? Not that Light was misogynistic, but he had never expected that. The boss, apparently, was dressed head to toe in black. And not just black, leather. She was wearing knee-high platform black boots, leather pants, and a black sleeve-less crop top. Some sort of necklace seemed to be hanging from her neck. She had blonde hair that stopped about 2 inches from her neck. The women reminded him somewhat of Misa. What, with her blonde hair and black fashion. And even though Light had never felt particularly attracted to the women that was supposed to be his girlfriend, Light found that he thought this stranger was attractive. Light quickly rebuked the thought, and mentally slapped his head. *Stupid brain, I absolutely do not find a skinny, blonde, goth KIDNAPPER attractive. That’s too fucked up, even for me*

“I told you guys that the prisoner is not to be harmed! Not yet at least.” the blonde said, scowling. It was then, to Light’s horror, he realized that the kidnapper’s voice was far too deep to be female. 

*He’s a guy?* Light thought confused. As the blonde walked closer towards him, Light could now clearly see him. While slightly androgynous, the boss was clearly a male. This made Light’s brief thought of attraction horrifying. *I’m not gay, i’m….just tired* Light frantically defended himself to his subconscious. Ignoring the fact that he had just woken up from a twenty-four hour nap.

As the boss came to stand directly in front of him, he could now see his piercing blue eyes. As Light was sitting down, the kidnapper towered a few feet over him. This annoyed Light, as the man was giving off a very smug, very dominant glare. Light straightened his back and stared back, hoping his eyes betrayed him as calm and confident. 

“How are you feeling, Light? We thought you would never wake up!” The kidnapper asked, smugly. He pronounced Light in the english way, and this annoyed him for some reason. Even though he didn’t really mind how it sounded.

So he scowled, forgetting his mask of perfection and politeness.

“It's pronounced Raito. Not Light. What, can’t speak Japanese?” Light shot back.

“Oh no, I can. I just like how Light sounds better.” the boss responded, now in Japanese. Still pronouncing Light in english.

“Whatever. And only girls have hair that long.” Light muttered, childishly. 

The man in front of him glared fiercely. “Well clearly, I’m not a girl. And I have nine inches on me to prove it.” He growled.

“Doubt it.” Light growled back, equally fiercely.

The man suddenly grabbed his chin. “It would be wise for you not to provoke me, seeing as you are the one tied up. Some manners would be nice. I get very…frustrated when people insult me. Also, I have all the guns. I think an apology is in order!” 

Light did openly gape at that. “You want me to apologize?? I’m the one who’s kidnapped over here.” He raged.

Despite his earlier grievances at Light being harmed, he let go of his chin and promptly smacked him. *What is it with everyone deciding to hit me! I’m gonna look ugly for so long after this!* Light angrily and miserably thought. No one should be allowed to ruin his God-like looks! He had been given them for a reason.

“Dammit! You guys are gonna make me look like some kinda freak if you keep hitting me.” Light whined, before he could stop himself. He felt shame creeping up on him. Whining about one’s appearance wasn’t tough and manly.

The blonde man openly smirked. “What’s the matter? Can’t pretty boy handle a few blows without getting his panties in a knot?” He said, oh so very condescendingly sweet. “We wouldn’t want to ruin your oh so delicate looks would we? Maybe pretty boy’s face would not end up a smashed up pulp if he decides to apologize, like, right now.”

Light scowled, before muttering very sarcastically “I’m very sorry your fragile masculinity could not handle me calling you a girl.”

The blonde man stared at him for a few seconds before grabbing his hair and yanking his face up. Light whimpered, again, seemingly having no more control over his actions. Then the blonde alarmingly pulled put a freaking pocket knife and held it up to Light’s jaw. Light gulped. So he really didn’t like being called a girl.

“I’m sure your fragile little ego couldn’t handle it if I carved you up right now like I so desperately want to. So i’ll ask nicely one. more. time. After that, I probably won’t be so nice.”

Light’s eye twitched and then the blonde pressed the blade a little deeper, earning another whine. His blue eyes were blazing.

“Fine!” Light cried, very alarmed. He took a deep breathe. He hated apologizing! “I’m sorry I called you a girl, it was rude! I’m just very stressed out at the moment..”

“And, apologize doubting my dick size!” The blonde cut him off.

“W-what?” He stuttered out, confused. *He cannot be serious!* Light thought.

But then knife was then pressed even deeper, and he could feel the skin starting to break.

“Fine! Fine, I-I apologize for…” Light gulped. “Insulting, your uh…manhood. I’m sure you are very well uhh.. endowed.” Light ground out through his teeth, this could not be happening! Not to the brightest student in all of Japan.

The knife was then pulled away. “And don’t you forget it bitch.” He snarled out.

Everyone stood awkwardly for a few moments, not knowing what to do or say next. Suddenly the blonde once again smiled and held out his hand. “I’m Mello, by the way. In all of the commotion I didn’t get to properly introduce myself.

*Mello? What kind of name is that?* Light thought, thinking of voicing his opinion before remembering the knife. So instead he stared at Mello’s hand, obviously not being able to shake it.

“Oh right! You’re a little, uh…..tied up at the moment aren’t you?” Mello said, before busting out laughing. The others hastily joined him, even Mark.

All Light could do, was glare.

"Well now that introductions are out of the way, I suppose we should finally give your dear old daddy a ring!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and review! And get ready for all of the crack and sadness that will ultimately come your way. Also, no I do not own death note and NO I am making no $$$ from this teehee:))


	2. Mello hates prank phone calls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Honestly, updates will be pretty frequent. I started this work about three weeks ago and already have about sixty five chapters written. The only part left to write is the ending. And since i'm impatient, I'll probably be updating every day. So, enjoy this crack and Light gaining a little more insight into Mello's wild plan.

*So this is a ransom.* Light thought, while watching Mello pull out a flip phone. 

“Erm…you guys should know that even though my father is Chief of the NPA we aren’t, like, millionaires or anything. And my father is a strong believer in justice. He probably won’t do anything and just wait for you guys to let me go. Or wait for me to escape.” He explained, adding the last part rather smugly. Even though he didn’t quite know how yet, he was confident that someone as smart as him would escape eventually. He had outsmarted the great L many times before, for goodness sake!

*Plus, my father wouldn’t even care, so long as my grades didn’t slip.” He thought privately to himself. 

Mello looked up and stared at him annoyed. “And just how would some pretty, delicate thing such as yourself escape?” He scowled.

Light did not like being underestimated. “Maybe I have a mouse in my pocket!” he retorted, but then realized how stupid and not quick-witted that probably sounded. 

Mello just stared back, and then laughed. “We don’t want money, I’m already loaded.” He bragged. “No, we want the Death Note.”

Light suddenly felt all the air leave his body. Just how did he know about the Death Note! Sure, everyone knew of Kira and his killings. But no one knew how he managed to kill. *This is bad, obviously my father would never give away the death note to a criminal. But, its bad enough he knows it exists.* Light thought, in a panic. And someone as unworthy as Mello didn’t deserve any of Kira’s glory. Only Light could decide who would use the Death Note. It was bad enough that dim-witted Misa already had one!

“How do you know about the Deathnote?” Light demanded. “And, my father doesn’t have access to it anyway.” he added hastily. 

*But now i just unknowingly confirmed it does exist.* He thought angrily.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Mello taunted.

“And of course your father has access to it, he works on the Kira case.” Jeff added, rolling his eyes. 

“How do you know that.” Light questioned.

“We looked through L’s case files.” Rod informed him, smugly.

“You hacked L? You can’t do that! He’s the world’s greatest detective.” Light responded, appalled. Just how smart were these people?

“Let’s just say, he’s an old friend.” Mello smiled at him sinisterly.

If Light had thought he hated L, he absolutely detested L’s ‘friends'. 

As Mello dialed the number, Mark decided to start speaking again. “Hey guys? You know what would be like, hilarious? If when Yagami picks up we’re all like ‘Guess who?” and he’s like “Who is it?” Then we’d be all like ‘Joe'….And-and after he says ‘Joe who?” we’re all like “Joe MAMA…and then we tell him we’re gonna kill his son with a chainsaw!” He then bursted out laughing. Light cringed at the absurdity of the idea and graphic depiction of his death.

Mello just pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Mark, did you wake up extra stupid today? We are most definitely not going to say that.”

Mark look crestfallen. “Why not?” He demanded.

“Because it’s stupid and childish!” The thug called Rod shouted. “This is a professional kidnapping and a demand for a highly dangerous weapon! Not some preteen slumber party!

“And plus my dad never fell for the joe mama trick, he’d just hang up.” Light informed, most unhelpfully.

Mello then glared at Light. “You do not speak unless asked to.” He informed him.

Light gave him a dirty look. “Actually, isn’t freedom of speech a right in America?”

Mello stood up and shouted “Who told him we were in America?!?”

Mark began to whistle and suddenly found his shoes very interesting.

Mello then screamed at the top of his lungs. It even got Light to jump.

“This is not playtime! We are calling a police chief and demanding ransom for very evilly kidnapping his son. Light, shut up and sit there like a good boy. If you decide to tell you father you are in America I might just go ahead and kill you with that chainsaw! And Mark, if you’re going to continue to be a dumbass and say dumbass things, you will not like the result. I will sew your lips shut with a dull needle and castrate you with my bare hands! So sit down and shut up. And pray to God you never have an idea about prank calling anyone again!” Mello finished his rant by reaching into his pocket and aggressively taking a large bite out of a chocolate bar.

Mark yelped and uttered a very meek ‘yes boss!” before sinking as deep as possible into the couch cushions. 

Light also tried to sink back as far as the old wooden chair would let him. He felt himself melting under Mello’s glare. Normally he would be outraged that anyone dared to yell at him like that, but decided most wisely that now was not the time to voice that particular opinion. Mello then stepped forward and pulled Light’s hair again, making him look straight into his icy blue eyes.

Light yelped and blurted out “Stop! You’re gonna make me go prematurely bald.” He really had to start thinking before speaking.

Mello kept a hold on Light’s head. “Do. You. Understand?” He asked menacingly. 

Light nodded, gulping.

Mello than let go of his hair and patted his head like a dog. “Good boy.” He muttered. 

Light did not like being treated as a submissive pet, not one bit. But his head ached, so once again he silently seethed. He was gonna have to buy so many conditioning masks. 

Mello then stopped and looked around. “Anyone else have anymore bright ideas?” he asked. “Any more prank call suggestions? Or does anyone else wanna tell the prisoner the exact location of where he is? Or whine about their hair like a common housewife?” he directed a glare to Light after that last comment. “Or hell, lets just send Mr. Yagami a singing telegram about kidnapping his son! That sounds great huh? Right you guys? Mark? Not even you wanna comment on that?”

Smartly, no one said anything. Not even Mark.

“Well excellent.” Mello smiled. “Let’s officially begin the show!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and review! Also, no I do not own death note and NO I am making no $$$ from this teehee:))


	3. This is Soichiro Yagami

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soichiro Yagami is kinda OC in this book, but the thought of him actually being a tiger dad is pretty funny. I mean, Light had to get his uptightness from somewhere, right? As the story continues, you'll see just how much the chief's parenting has had an effect on Light. But, for now, enjoy this humorous chapter about Light getting scolded for things that aren't really his fault.

As the phone was ringing, Light was informed he’d have to start crying and tell his father he was kidnapped. Light started to protest before Mello promptly cut him off with a very scary threat.

“If you don’t do this i’ll shave your head!”

Light quickly agreed.

“This is Soichiro Yagami.” His father's voice suddenly spoke.

Light then forced himself to think of something very sad, like being born with an extra limb or loosing his Death Note. The waterworks started.

“Dad…*sniff, sniff* i’m in trouble. I-“

“Light?” His father sounded very mad. “Where in the hell are you? Your mother was worried sick. You missed your curfew and didn’t answer your phone once! And you stood Misa up as well! That is a very rude thing to do Light, not to mention not gentlemanly in the slightest. You should be ashamed! And now you’re in trouble. Oh, perfect. Let me take precious time off from trying to catch a serial killer to come help you. What happened? Let me guess, you got drunk like a common college hooligan! I thought I raised you better dammit! Why can’t you study more?” He ranted, not letting Light get a word in edgewise.

Light felt his face heat up in embarrassment and shame. He had just been kidnapped, and was in real danger dammit! And his father was scolding him in front of his kidnappers about missing his curfew. *Like I should have a curfew, I’m an adult!* Light thought indignantly. 

At this strange turn of events, the kidnappers for once stayed silent. Not even Mello said a word. *Light is missing and all his father can worry about is how much he studies? Damn, I guess I’m glad my parents are dead.* Mello silently thought. 

“Well young man, do you have an answer?” His father demanded.

“Well Father you know I would never get drunk! And i didn’t mean to stand up Misa.” Light defended himself. “Also, I thought curfew was just a suggestion since I’m a fucking adult..” Light never cursed, but he was righteously embarrassed. 

He heard his father gasp. “Light Yagami! I never thought I would hear the day you openly cursed? Well college is changing you into such a rebellious little twit, isn’t it?” His father shouted. “You better tell me where you are right this instant so I can come wash your mouth out with soap!”

Light’s mouth promptly fell open with that suggestion. The God of the New World couldn’t be treated like a preschooler! This was just unnatural. In his anger, he promptly blurted out a few choice words himself without a filter for once.

“Dad this is just like you. You know, Yamamoto’s dad never yells at him. In fact, he bought him a car after he got eighty-nine percent on exams. But i get one hundred and two percent and what do I get? ’NOTHING! It’s humiliating and-“ Light stopped in the middle of his rant to try and regain some shred of politeness. “I just think I deserve to not have a curfew anymore. Also, soap is poisonous.” He hastily added.

He heard a loud sigh from the other end of the phone. “Light why would you care about curfew? The only places you go are college and Headquarters anyways. And sure, sometimes you will go out with Misa, But she always respects your curfew.”

Light’s ears burned with the suggestion that he was an antisocial loser. He had friends! Or he could if he very well wanted to. He just always preferred studying because everyone else so was intellectually stunted compared to him.

`“Well Dad I-“

“And another thing.” His father interrupted. “Since we are now having the conversation where we get all our grievances out in the open, let me tell you another thing. The way you treat Misa is abhorrent! Last week you forgot you had a girlfriend! And you always look repulsed when she touches you. It’s not how a gentleman who was smitten would act. You shouldn’t string her along, it’s very unfair. Because believe me, if i had a chance with that girl well.” His father chuckled “I probably wouldn’t leave the bedroom for the next decade.”

“DAD?!?” Light sputtered. His dad wanted to sleep with his girlfriend? That was disgusting. Even though he hated Misa, the thought of her and his father? Well…that just made his stomach turn. Even Mello had paled. 

“Son I’m just saying.” His father defended his lewd insinuation. “From the way you act…oh good Lord please tell me your not a fairy.” 

Light once again felt like he was going to have a heart attack.

“That’s it isn’t it? I have to…oh sweet Jesus do I have to pick you up from a bathhouse?? Son I will be very disappointed if that is the case! And never tell your mother, oh my God father almighty… I-I I don’t think she would survive it. I mean really Light, you could get aids!”

Light just sat there, truly lost for words for once in his life time. “I’m…not at a bathhouse. And I’m not gay. I’m uhhh…just waiting until marriage?” He said slowly.

“Gee whiz..” Mark muttered.

“Oh, well brilliant. One thing that’s going for you.” His father said, relived. “Now, what were you going to tell me.

“Oh yeah, I’m uh, kidnapped.” Light said, not have to feign distress after this conversation

And then after a few moments of silence, his father hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and review! Also, no I do not own death note and NO I am making no $$$ from this teehee:))


	4. No, I really am kidnapped!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how canon this is. Because, i'm sure the task force really would do anything to get Light back. When Sayu actually was kidnapped, the Death Note was handed over with virtually no struggle. But this fanfiction would only be about 6 chapters if Soichiro just gave Mello the notebook, and where's the fun in that?

Everyone sat in silence. Light could’t believe it, his father had just…hung up? *Does he not believe me? I never lie! Well, not really anyways..* Light thought, remembering the whole ‘I’m not Kira!” business.

“He uh…hung up?” Mello finally spoke.

“Does he not believe me?I wouldn’t lie to him about this. Is it really that unbelievable? I could be kidnapped, that’s realistic right? I’m very good looking.” Light said indignantly.

“That was just uh, yikes…” Rod slowly trailed off. 

“Well, we’ll just have to call him back.” Mello sighed. “And this time Light, don’t make him talk about banging your girlfriend or you taking it up the ass.”

“What?” Light was outraged. “Like I wanted him to say that. No, this is just something he always does. And why would I be the one taking it-“ Light was cut off as his father picked up.

“Yes?” His father questioned, slightly irritably.

“You hung up!” Light shouted. “But I really am kidnapped, please help!”

“Light, I am not in the mood for prank calls.” His father replied sourly.

“Huh, so in a way, my idea was used…” Mark most unhelpfully commented.

“No it’s uh, it’s true Mr. Yagami.” Mello stated. “We kidnapped your son and he’s currently in grave danger unless you act quickly."

A few moment of silence then…

“Who is this? Light now you have your friends working with you on this little joke? Now, just how is this funny?” His father demanded. “Oh wait, please don’t tell me it’s your boyfriend.”

Light tasted throw up in his mouth.

“WHAT? ABSOLUTELY NOT! HOW DARE YOU MAKE SUCH A DISGUSTING ACCUSATION!” Mello screamed, clearly just as repulsed by the idea as Light. “I’m no one’s boyfriend, I am a very dangerous individual who is demanding payment for your son’s safe return.”

“Prove it.” Soichiro said challengingly.

“What? Prove it?? This motherfu- Okay fine, i’ll send you a picture for your precious proof!” Mello promptly hung up, mumbling obscenities such as “stupid ass fucker.” and “clueless fuckface.” 

“It always has to be something around here? Nothing can ever be simple, huh?” Mello grumbled “You better be worth this, Yagami.”

He then held up the phone. “Jeff, go over there and stick you gun in his face or something. And you, just look nice and scared.” Mello ordered

Light really didn’t have to do any acting. As the gun was stuck in his face, he felt utterly petrified even though he knew they weren’t going to shoot him. *Yet.* He thought terrifying. He suspected he would need many years of therapy after this event. Especially after that truly horrifying phone call.

After the photo was taken and sent, Mello promptly called back the chief. 

“Believe me now?” Mello asked smugly.

The chief’s tone suddenly seemed urgent. “Yes, yes! I do believe you.” He said “Oh Light, just what have you done now? For the love of everything that is good and holy, don’t get yourself killed. I don’t know how i’d explain that! Well…” The chief trailed off, seemingly thinking about how he could in fact explain Light’s unfortunate demise.

“Dad?” Light said, shocked.

“Oh well, don’t get indignant! Of course the ideal outcome would be to have you returned safe and sound.” Soirchiro defended himself. “Just what have you gotten yourself into? Oh it was drugs wasn’t it? Light how could you be so foolish! I always told you how dangerous and unwise getting involved with drugs and drug dealers was. Now you’ve gone and gotten yourself kidnapped for what? Failing to make payment?”

“NO! Dad how could you say that, I- I would never do drugs1” Light gasped. In less than thirty minutes his father was now convinced Light was a drunk, drug using, gay menace to society who still needed a curfew!

“Wait, Light is on drugs? Tell him those ruin his looks!” A faint voice sounded in the background. It came from Matsuda. *Well of course that idiot would believe I was doing drugs!* Light thought sourly.

“No it’s not for drugs! God can you just- just listen to me!” Mello snapped, seeming as fed up as Light was with this conversation. Light almost missed a half an hour ago, when he was only getting threatened at knifepoint. Almost. 

“Are your coworkers there? Put the phone on speaker. After all, this concerns them as well.” Mello ordered.

Soon Soirchrio announced that they were speaking to all of task force and asked just who he was conversing with.

“That, does not concern you.” Mello replied. “All you need to know is that Light is here.”

“Light’s on the phone? Hi Light! How are you?" Matsuda asked excitedly. 

Light sighed loudly. “Not too great Matsuda.” He replied flatly.

“Oh that’s too bad. Is it school trouble? L trouble? Well, whatever it is i’m always here to talk! Maybe we could go out to lunch today.” Matsuda responded, chipper as ever.

Just as Light was about to respond that no, he couldn’t go out to lunch because he was chained to an uncomfortable chair on the other side of the WORLD, a shrill voice he knew all too well cut it.

“LIIIIIGHT is that you? Honey where were you yesterday? Misa-Misa was so worried. You really shouldn’t disappear without me! I fear for you so much darling. Even though I know how smart and strong you are. I just missed you so much! I got us reservations at such a nice restaurant too..OH you would’ve like it Light! I made sure to get us the table right next to the fish tank! It had fish IN the restaurant, isn’t that darling?” Miss rambled on.

“Misa, i’m sorry i wasn’t there yesterday. I was being kidnapped.” Light responded, used to her useless babble.

A few seconds of eerie calm took place before a glass shattering shriek was heard.

“WHAT LIGHT how on earth could you be kidnapped??? Oh this is just not good. You could be anywhere!” She wailed. “Are you safe? What’s happening? Oh Light if you die don’t worry, i’ll-i’ll follow you! Misa-Misa would throw herself off a building just to be reunited with her Light.”

“God, does that one ever shut the hell up?” Jeff snarled.

“Who’s there?? Are those your evil kidnappers. Listen here you, you BULLIES. Misa-Misa will hunt you down and kill you! DO YOU HEAR ME!?!? I will hunt you down and destroy you if you even lay a finger on my Light. And after you’re dead, i’ll sue you for everything you have. For….for emotional trauma! And then, i’ll get my fans to bully you on every social media site ever created! You better be nice to him. You can’t just kidnap HIM! Anyone else, that’s a different story. Light is MINE!”

At this point, Mello had to hold the phone far away from his ear so as not to go deaf. Light internally smirked, finally Mello was suffering for kidnapping a God. But then, Light still had to listen to it too…

“Misa! Be quiet I…love you..” Light cringed “But right now I need to talk to the team so I can get out of here.”

“OH LIGHT Misa-Misa loves you too! Hang in there honey, i’ll get you out soon!” Misa whimpered.

“….Well, now that that’s over with, it brings me to my next point. Yes Light can be freed, with virtually no harm! But the price…Is the Death Note.” Mello declared, much too dramatically in Light’s opinion.

“What?” Everyone, including Misa, on the other side shouted.

“That’s right give me the Death Note, which I know you have, and Light will be free and safe.”

“Yes!” Misa enthusiastically agreed.

“What? No, NO.” Soirchiro scolded. “That is a….heavy request. I cannot give the Death Note over to a criminal, that would be immoral!”

“Yeah, one Kira is already far too much to handle.” Aizawa commented bitterly.

“So I cannot, in good conscience, hand over the Death Note. Is there anything else we can negotiate?”

“No the Death Note is the only thing I want.” Mello stubbornly and predictably said.

“Well then I am sorry.” Soirchiro repeated.

Light was so mad he was surprised he didn’t burst into flames. He knew that his father wouldn’t hand over the Death Note. Hell, Light didn’t want him too! But he could’ve tried much harder to try and free Light. He could’ve even tried to double cross Mello. Or at least, he could try and sound more upset at the fact that Light was probably never going to be freed.

“I don’t think you understand. The longer you withhold the Death Note, the more your son will suffer. For example-“ He gestured to Rod, who then hit Light very hard over the back of his head.

“Ow!” Light cried out. “I’m gonna get brain damage!”

For once, Mello was glad that Light was acting overdramatic.

“LIGHT? WHAT HAPPENED?? ARE YOU ALIVE?” Misa sobbed on the other end, only adding to Light’s head pain.

“He’s still alive, for now.” Mello creepily drawled. 

“Mr. Chief of police, you have to save him!!” Misa wailed.

“Well, we cannot give away the Death Note. So no, we can’t save him.” Aizawa bluntly informed her. Light glared at the phone *Bastard.*

“That’s not true, don’t be so morbid Aizawa! We’ll just find Light by ourselves.” Matsuda stated confidently.

“Ha! Yeah, like that would ever happen. We are hidden far, far away. You’d probably have an easier time finding Atlantis City.” Jeff smugly informed them. 

“I understand. No, you need time to think. You need the stakes to be higher! I’ll call ya back in a few days, maybe if you sleep on it you’ll come to a much more…agreeable solution.” Mello laughed. “Nice talking to ya, Light’s daddy.” Mello then hung up the phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and review! Will Light ever be rescued? Is Light really doing drugs? Yours, and Matsuda's questions will be answered soon;) Also, no I do not own death note and NO I am making no $$$ from this teehee:))


	5. Kira has a bone to pick with Ronald Mcdonald

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's only been a few days since i've last posted, but it feels like forever! I was staying at a place without wifi, so this chapter had to wait to see the light of day.
> 
> Heh, 'Light' of day. Accidental pun.
> 
> But I hope you enjoy reading about Light and his Mcdonalds food. Which he hates, obviously. It's my personal headcannon that Light is a health nut, and that's the main reason he doesn't know what a cheesburger is. And, in my professional opinion, Mcdonalds is gross. I understand Light's pain.

A sudden noise suddenly jerked Light awake. Since this room was windowless and the lights were still on, it was impossible to know what time of day it was. He had fallen asleep after that horrid phone call. He had expected for the kidnappers to rough him up some more, but they had surprisingly left him alone. *Probably to go discuss more horrifying ways to torture me.* Light thought fearfully.

Looking over to identify to source of the noise, he found Mello standing at the door. He was holding a brown paper bag. As he made his way towards Light, he involuntarily stiffened up. Now that his kidnapping buddies weren’t with him, he seemed much more intimidating.

“Thought you might be hungry.” He grunted, throwing the bag in Light’s lap. “Can’t have you starving to death, yet.” He smiled wickedly.

Light stared at the bag and the back to his captor, wondering just how exactly he was supposed to get said food into his mouth.

“Oh right, you’re still tied up, guess i’m going to have to feed it to you.” Mello sighed.

Light almost laughed at this ridiculous notion. He was not an invalid nor a child. He could quite competently feed himself, thank you very much!

“I can feed myself asshole! If you untie me, that is.” Light snapped

Mello glared at him before laughing quietly. “Oh but that just makes it too easy for you to escape.” He taunted.

“Then I won’t be eating, thank you.” Light scowled. He did still have some pride!

Mello gaped at him. “Aren’t you hungry?” He questioned.

“Nope.” Light replied smugly. This was a lie. For he had skipped breakfast the day before, in a hurry. He hadn’t eaten since the night before he was kidnapped. And all he had had then was a salad. But he refused to eat from someone else’s hand!

“You stubborn bastard.” Mello started. “I don’t know how things work in Japan. But here in America, if someone is gracious enough to buy you food you eat it!”

“I don’t want to be fed.” Light responded childishly. Unfortunately, his stomach then let out a rather unsightly growl.

Mello smirked. “It’s either you eat this now, or i’ll force feed you a tuna smoothie.”

Light looked at him, confused. “Why a tuna smoothie?”

“Because a liquid will be easier to force down your throat! And tuna, is just nasty. Especially blended, i doubt you’d enjoy it.” Mello informed him, smirking.

Light was torn. He was so hungry his stomach felt as if it was eating itself alive. But having someone else feed him, that was humiliating! But then again, kings had their subjects feed them grapes. *That’s exactly what this is! Mello is my servant feeding me, and i’m letting him because I just cannot be bothered with it.* Light tried to reassure himself. Plus, even though he did enjoy seafood, a tuna smoothie would most definitely make him puke.

“Fine.” Light said, resignedly.

Mello, smirked and opened the bag. Suddenly, a horrible smell of grease filled his nose. Light had to refrain from gagging. As hungry as he was, this ‘food’ smelled poisonous. Mello pulled out something he recognized to be fries. And then, a round object that was covered in paper.

Light glowered. “What the hell is that?”

Mello looked confused. “…Food?” He offered, most unhelpfully.

Light couldn’t refrain from rolling his eyes. “I know that genius, but it doesn’t smell like food! It smells like toxic waste!” No, there was no way that was going into his perfect body.

“It’s….fries. And a cheeseburger.” Mello said slowly.

"What the hell is a cheeseburger?” Light demanded.

“You don’t know what a..cheeseburger is?” Mello stared.

It made Light uncomfortable, it made him feel stupid. He was definitely not used to feeling stupid.

“N-no…because I don’t pollute my body with that kind of filth.” Light shot back.

Mello rolled his eyes and glared at the brunette. “It’s good. Its like a sandwich with cheese and meat.”

“I don’t want it.” Light stated.

“Well that’s too bad! WE don’t have anything else.”

“I want sushi, that’s healthy and it doesn’t smell like it’ll take you to an early grave.” Light informed the blonde menace.

“Well i’m not gonna go out and get sushi. You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.” Mello told him, as if speaking to a mere child. “Look.” He continued, unwrapping it. “It has lettuce! And tomatoes and pickles, which are cucumbers. So technically, it's healthy.”

“I hate tomatoes.” Light sniffed.

This led to Mello ripping out the tomatoes and throwing them across the room. “Well there.” He said between gritted teeth. “Now its all perfect.”

“Well now i don’t want it because your hands touched it.” Light said childishly.

“You moron! My hands were gonna touch it anyways because i’m feeding it to you!” Mello shouted, clearly fed up.

Light really didn’t have a response to that.

Mello then scooted forward, dangerously close to Light’s face. “Either you open your ungrateful mouth, or i’ll shove it in!” 

Light screwed his lips shut.

Mello sighed. “Here comes the airplane vroom vroom!” He said, floating the sandwich in front of Light’s face. Obviously trying to embarrass him with child’s play. Light did not in fact open up.

Mello then pushed the bread right up to his lips. Light then moved his head to the side.

Mello then grabbed his face and pushed the food up even closer. Light felt something sticky get on his chin. *Gross!* He thought crossly. *The God of the New World shouldn’t have food smeared on his face. That’s disgusting. And humiliating. And makes for an unsightly appearance.*

“Stop tha-mmph!” He sputtered as Mello succeeded in pushing the sandwich into Light’s temporarily open mouth.

Mello glared at him triumphantly, while Light simply just glared back.

“Chew.” He ordered.

Light unfortunately obliged, the bread was quickly getting soggy in his mouth.

“Chew.” Mello once again ordered him.

Light thought about spitting it out, but then realized it would make him look even more like a petulant five you old. So he chewed. *Yuck, yuck, YUCK.* He raged silently. It tasted like greasy meat, and the lettuce was too dry. He couldn’t taste a single ounce of health in this so called ‘food.’

“Swallow!” Mello looked at him gleefully. Light somehow managed to force the vile substance down his throat. He then made a very exaggerated show of coughing and gagging. So much so he accidentally threw some of it up.

Mello stared at him in disgust. “….the fuck?” he asked blankly.

Light really wished he could crawl into the floor and die, right in this moment. He actually regretted ever picking up the Death Note, for the first time in his life. For surely he wouldn’t have thrown up all over himself if it hadn’t been for that cursed object. Perhaps this was what Ryuk meant when he had said the Death Note brings only fear and misery to humans who use it. Right now, he was feeling very miserable.

Light, trying not to show too much humiliation, simply said “It was gross.”

“This is Mcdonald’s!” Mello sputtered. “Everyone likes Mcdonalds. It’s a burger for fuck’s sake!”

“Well i hate Mcdonalds.” Light stated. In his New World, there would be no ‘McDonalds’ he silently promised himself.

Mello looked as if he wanted to scream, but took a deep breath. “Do you know what fries are?” He asked wearily. “You’ll like these.”

“Yes i’m not brain dead.” Light retorted. Potatoes couldn’t be too bad, he mused. 

Mello held out a few fries to him, which he took without a fuss. As he chewed, he realized he didn’t like this either. They were way too salty and also dry. But after his display of pretending to throw up but then actually throwing up, he swallowed them gracefully. 

“I’m thirsty.” He finally announced.

Mello glared at him. “What do I look like, a fucking nanny?”

“Yes.” Light deadpanned. 

Mello stood up angrily. “You want a drink so bad, you can drink my cum if you are really that desperate.” He snarled at him.

If Light had a dollar for every time someone had insinuated he was gay in the last twenty-four hours, he’d have..well three dollars. This was getting out of hand! Unbridled, a certain memory pushed its way to the forefront of Light’s brain, but he quickly pushed it away. Feeling as if he might throw up again.

Mello seemed disturbed by Light’s lack of communication, so he finally begrudgingly said. “You’re gonna need shower.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and review! Also, no I do not own death note and NO I am making no $$$ from this teehee:)) Get ready for the next chapter, in which Light has to shower. You know what that means....it's gonna be a disaster;)


	6. You watch your dog shower?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So since Light accidentally threw up after the Mcdonalds in the last chapter...he has to shower. And Mello, obviously, isn't going to leave Light unattended. I think you all know where this is gonna go ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> Also small TW for small flashback, and mentions of SA.

Mello, not wanting Light to see the layout of the building, blindfolded him before leading him to a bathroom. He was still chained and felt like a prisoner! *This is what it would be like if i’m ever caught.* Light morbidly realized.

Mello had also informed him that he was ‘very well versed with every aspect of self defense, in case Light tried anything stupid.’ Light had merely nodded. Like he would try to escape chained and blindfolded! He would just run around like a chicken with it’s head cut off. No, his escape would be much more cunning then that.

Soon he felt the blindfold being taken off his head. As his eyes adjusted to the light, he found this bathroom was very luxurious. It had marble flooring, and a porcelain toilet that was encrusted with gold. There were two sinks that were also marble, and the mirror took up the entire wall.

Behind him was the shower, which had a glass door and black marble tiling. And next to the shower, was a claw foot bathtub. Light tried not to stare. *Just what the hell do these kidnappers do? They really are loaded. I bet it’s something to do with gang activity.* Light pondered.

Mello suddenly cleared his throat. “So there’s soap and stuff already in the shower you can use.”

“Oh, thanks.” Light responded, thinking that it would probably be something like suave. He was going to have to forgo using his fancy, expensive soaps and conditioners for the time being. Much to his dismay.

They stood in an awkward silence for a few moments before Mello decided to speak. “Well, get to it, would ya? I don’t have all night.” He grumbled.

Light mechanically reached for the hem of his shirt when he then noticed that Mello made no move to leave. Surely, he didn’t mean to stay and watch him shower?

Much to his horror, Mello informed him that that was exactly what he was going to do.

Light just stared, dumbfounded. Even when he was chained to L, he at least had the good manners to wait outside the bathroom door. Just how the hell would he escape from the bathroom anyways? There were no windows!

“You can’t watch me shower, that’s inappropriate.” Light informed him. He hadn’t been watched while showering since he was three!

Mello rolled his eyes, as if Light was the one making a ridiculous request. “Of course I do! You’re the prisoner after all, I can’t have you trying to escape on me.”

Light just crossed his arms. “Well just how exactly would I escape? I don’t know where I am, I have no weapons, I’m covered in vomit and there isn’t a single window to escape out of in sight.”

“You’re smart, you’d think of something.” Mello dismissed him. “Besides, everyone knows to never take your eyes off the prisoner.”

“Well it’s just inappropriate! I don’t want to have to deal with your leering while i’m just trying to get clean.” Light snapped, indignantly.

Mello just snorted “Don’t flatter yourself, pretty boy. No leering will be going on here. I’ll just be watching you like I would my dog.”

Light raised an eyebrow, ignoring the insinuation that he was on the same level as a mangy pet. “You watch your dog shower?”

Mello stomped his foot and growled. “You know what I meant asshole! I’ll be watching you clinically, no sexual undertones whatsoever.”

Light then responded, oh so cleverly.”Then i’ll just shower with my clothes on!”

Mello glared. “Are you stupid? That won’t help you get clean and it’s gonna make a mess. No, you will get undressed and start washing like a good boy!”

Light turned around to turn on the facet. “No, I don’t think I will."

Suddenly, he felt himself being pressed up against the wall. To his horror, Mello was trying to undress him himself! Mello started unbuttoned his shirt while seeming to simultaneously trying to rip it off. The close proximity of the other male and the sensation of having his clothes ripped off while being defenseless unfortunately did not go over well in Light’s head. He froze, as a very unpleasant memory suddenly clouded his mind. 

"𝘑𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘮 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯, 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘐 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘳! 𝘚𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘴𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧." 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘮.

As Light felt the other male’s hand travel down to undo his pants, he snapped. Adrenaline and fear overpowered him as he suddenly turned around and punched the other male in the face, effectively pushing him away. 

Mello had not been expecting that. Light had gone slack for a few moments, so he figured he had decided to comply. He was fully unprepared for the punch that was thrown his way. Gripping his nose, he felt blood start to pour out. *This kid has a better right hook then I would have imagined.*

Light quickly looked around for something to defend himself. A hairbrush quickly caught his eye. He knew he’d probably look stupid waving around a hairbrush in front of his kidnapper/possible rapists face, but he didn’t have much of a choice.

“What the fuck?” Mello screamed “I try and do something nice for you and you hit me? Oh you are gonna regret that.” He menacingly stepped forward.

Light backed up, much like a cornered animal would. “You stay the fuck away from me!” He yelled back.

Mello quickly swiped his legs out from other him. While Light was falling he leapt forward and pinned him to the ground.

*This is not good, not good at all.* Light thought, panicked. He recognized that he was now in an even more vulnerable position.

As he squirmed and struggled to get out of Mello’s grasp, he fearfully realized this scrawny man was much stronger than he thought. He then swiftly punched Light in the face. Light felt himself go limp. Fear and panic already beginning to cloud his judgement.

“Fuck you.” He snarled. 

He tried to move his legs to kick Mello, but the blonde pinned down his legs with his own.

Light then, horrifyingly, realized he felt tears prick at his eyes. He cursed himself for acting weak. Tears would spur his attacker to go on even further!

“If you do this, I will kill you.” He threatened. Although his voice came out strangled and he felt a tear fall down his face.

Mello’s eyes suddenly lost the fire that they previously contained. *Does he think i’m going to…?* Mello realized in horror why the brunette had suddenly attacked him. He may be many things, but a rapist was certainly not one of them! He softened his grip on Light, trying to look as nonthreatening as possible. “I’m not gonna do anything to you.” He tried to say softly. “I just want you to get undressed and take a shower. 

Light was very confused. He wasn’t going to violate him? He was so panicked, he now realized he had started to hyperventilate.

Mello stared back, growing very concerned. *Why did he immediately think I was going to hurt him like that?* He really didn’t know what to say.

“…You’re okay. I’m not gonna do that.” He insisted. 

He involuntarily relaxed, believing the blonde’s words.

“…Fine, i’ll get undressed myself. Just please don’t do that again.” He whispered, looking off to the side.

Mello got off of him and Light quickly stood up. He avoided Mello’s gaze as he tried to regain some sort of pride.

*I really just had to go and cry? In front of him?* Light thought, humiliated. Usually he was so calm and collected, never letting fear get the better of him. Unfortunately, fear had clouded his usual rational though process. He cursed himself for how weak he must look in this moment.

Light blinked away tears rapidly and tried to glare at the blonde, trying to show him that he wasn’t scared. Light then, begrudgingly turned around, removing the rest of his clothes. His face felt like it was on fire, from all of the shame at being naked in the presence of someone he was still most certain wanted to harm him. In one form or another. He quickly got into the shower and turned it on quickly, still avoiding looking at the blonde kidnapper. 

As he felt the warm water wash over him, the tears started to flow. The fear was still very much present. As he began to wash his hair, he cursed himself for openly crying! *You weren’t hurt.* He tried to calm himself. *Nothing like that is ever going to happen again, not to me. Not to Kira! No one would dare hurt me.* He naively tried to placate himself. He choked down a sob and tried to think of literally anything else. He wouldn’t allow Mello to hear him blubbering like a girl! No, he was embarrassed enough.

Mello stood outside the shower, only half paying attention now. The shower doors were fogged up, and he now felt weird gazing upon the very naked and vulnerable teen. 

*The only reason he would've reacted like that is if he had gone through it before.* He though, horrified. *No, no don’t think that way. He’s a stubborn brat! He probably was just mad at being undressed. Or, because i’m his kidnapper. Yeah that’s all, he probably just doesn’t know what my intentions are. It’s very logical to believe a kidnapper would do that sort of thing…right?” he tried to convince himself. He wasn’t beyond roughing people up. Or even killing them. But he wasn’t a rapist, and he never would be! He perished the thought. Still deeply disturbed about the way Light had just acted.

*I’m just going to make it very clear that no rape will be happening, not in my presence anyway.* He thought protectively, before mentally slapping himself. Why on earth would he care about Light’s distress? *I don’t care, I just…don’t like to think about rape.* He told himself. 

As Light started to condition his hair, he felt better. He had managed to calm himself down enough that tears had stopped. Also, he was very pleased to find that the conditioner he was using was a very high end brand. *My hair will look so shiny and healthy after this!* He thought gleefully. While it may seem stupid to others, Light took great pride in that fact that his beautiful brown hair was always in prime condition.

“This is a nice conditioner.” He commented idly.

“Huh?” Mello called back, confused.

“I said it’s a nice conditioner.” Light repeated. “It strengthens and moisturizers at the same time. Plus it smells like the ocean!”

“Oh, uh yeah sure. I…only buy the best hair products.” Mello replied awkwardly.

Light might have felt silly for the awkward small talk, but he was too focused on his hair at the moment to care.

As he finished his shower and reached to turn the water off, he hesitated awkwardly. Now he was going to have to get out of the shower wet and naked! He decided he would stay in the shower for as long as possible, even though he knew getting out was inevitable. 

Right as he decided on that genius plan, the water started to run cold. Light shivered angrily. *This is ridiculous! You’re a full grown man.* He scolded himself. *What’s the big deal about stepping out of the shower? I’m Kira! I shouldn’t have to worry about such trivial matters.* Light thought defiantly, his old pride quickly returning.

He shut off the water and stood still for a moment. “Can…I have a towel?” he called over the wall, awkwardly. 

Soon, a fluffy white towel was thrown over the door. He wrapped the towel around his waist, and suddenly felt smug. *I probably look like a male model now! Not like some weak, weeping hostage!* He thought gleefully. 

He opened the door and started to walk out confidently. Unfortunately, he had forgotten he had accidentally dropped the soap. No pun intended. He then realized he had slipped on the slippery bar. Bracing himself for pain he was surprised when he felt arms wrapping around him. Before he had any time to wonder why Mello had just saved him from quite a nasty fall, they lurched backwards. This time Light definitely felt pain as he fell on his back. *Now I probably don’t look like a male model.* He thought sourly. Gods were not supposed to trip over slippery floors!

Then, to both his and Mello’s horror, he realized that the fall had made Mello fall forward as well. Mello was now sprawled over his body, and his towel had fell off. Light felt as if he might die.

Mello certainly felt foolish. He had tried to perform a good deed, saving Light from falling. And this is how the universe repays him? By allowing him to now, straddle, his hostage? Mello was quite annoyed. His annoyance quickly turned to horror as he gazed upon Light.

The boy had quite a fetching ‘deer caught in the headlights’ look in his amber colored eyes. His lips we parted ever so slightly, and he had the cutest blush painting his face. *Cute?* Mello thought indignantly. Light was annoying, not cute!

As Light watched Mello look at him, with a mix of fascination and horror, he also realized that he didn’t quite mind the newest situation he was in. Instead of feeling scared, like before, he actually felt…aroused? *Oh fuck no!* He shouted to himself. However, a certain body part was foolishly not listening to his rational brain. Mello’s blue eyes held fire and a very uncertain fascination. His mouth hung open slightly, and he looked extremely kissable in this very moment.

*What the hell is wrong with me? I’m not gay!* He thought fiercely, however his uh…little guy seemed to think differently.

The two teens looked at each other, each expected the other to freak out upon their current situation first. When neither did, they locked eyes. Silently asking this same question.

*What’s going on?*

The more indulgent part of Mello’s brain quickly observed the current situation. *Before when I was on top of him he was freaking out! But now, he seems fine..? Maybe, he doesn’t mind?* Mello tried to rebuke this thought, but it wouldn’t go anywhere. He then felt something poking his backside. 

*So he doesn’t mind, not one bit!* He thought, smugly. Then, it wouldn’t be rape. Normally, Mello would not have entertained such a foolish idea. However, hormones and lust were quickly clouding his judgement. He smirked at Light, before slowly inching his face down.

Light just laid on the floor, paralyzed. His brain was screaming at him to get out from under Mello this instant! But Light horrifyingly found he was curious about the other boy. He actually did want him to kiss him! 

*But I’m not gay!* He argued with his ever so stubborn arousal.

As Mello was now only inches away from Light’s face, he paused and studied him. As if silently asking for permission.

Light suddenly quieted all of the rational thoughts in his head as he reached up and closed the space in between him and Mello.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh what's gonna happen now? I guess we'll see what the boys get up to in the next chapter;) Please comment and review! Also, no I do not own death note and NO I am making no $$$ from this teehee:))


	7. (Gay) shower panic!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas eve! And happy holidays to all:) Here's an early christmas gift of crack for ya'll. Just two bros, kissing on the shower floor. Totally not gay...not at all! *Light starts sweating* Poor Light isn't quite ready to realize that denial isn't just a river in Africa. This is just a snippet of what's to come, sorry it's short!

As Light’s lips met Mello’s, he felt a shock run through him. He tried desperately to stop his hormone-addled brain from enjoying this, but to no avail. All he could think about was how soft his lips were.

Mello was quite pleased that Light seemed to be as eager to kiss him as he was. Smirking, he pushed Light’s head down and deepened the kiss. He couldn’t explain it, but it just felt too good. It felt like his mouth was on fire. Licking the other man’s lips, he forced his tongue into Light’s mouth. Light seemed unprepared for this motion because he slightly whimpered, before allowing the other man to fully taste his mouth.

Light tentatively tried to copy Mello’s movements. He had never experienced a kiss this aggressive. But it felt all too good. As their lips continued to collide, Light was horrified to find himself letting out small whimpers. Surely he wasn’t enjoying himself that much!

Mello was overjoyed by the needy sounds of lust that were escaping Light’s mouth. The other was clearly very inexperienced with this type of kissing, which made Mello enjoy it all the more. He soon felt himself begin to harden, and he grinded against Light’s bare hips.

Light gasped into Mello’s mouth. The tight leather grinding against his exposed skin felt too delicious. Light squirmed back, trying to ease his uncomfortable hardness. But that movement just made his little problem grow! *This is not good.* Light thought faintly, before deciding he didn’t really care.

Mello than began to kiss the side of his mouth, and then slowly began to kiss his neck. The sensation of now being sucked and nipped at was almost too much for Light to bear. As he felt sharp teeth nick his sensitive skin, he yelped. He could feel Mello smirk against his neck as he continued to suck. His hand slowly traced down Light’s stomach, gradually taking ahold of Light’s erection. He began to slowly stroke.

That movement was what finally set off big, red alarm bells in Light’s head as he quickly took in the situation. He was naked, laying beneath a MALE kidnapper, who was kissing and stroking him. 

*This is wrong. I’m not gay! But…dammit why does it feel so good.* Light thought, worriedly. But even though he was quite enjoying himself, he wouldn’t allow himself to be sullied by any further movement. No, that was inexcusable.

As Mello drew back from his neck to kiss him again, Light finally protested. “Wait, stop..please.” He rasped. Cursing his weak voice for betraying him. The man certainly wouldn’t stop if asked nicely!

Much to Light’s surprise, Mello did stop. He pulled his hand away and sat up, studying Light.

“Is there a problem?” He asked, slightly annoyed.

Light blushed. At this moment, yes, there were many problems!

“I’m…naked.” He offered, quite naively.

Mello just stared back. “Well yeah, that’s kind of the point.” He scowled.

Light looked as if someone had just given him the most confusing math problem to solve. “The point..for what?” He asked, seemingly unaware of what exactly Mello was insinuating.

Mello glared, before roughly grinding against him once again. Light yelped, as Mello leaned down to purr “For sex. You’re gonna have to be naked if I’m gonna fuck you.”

Light paled. He definitely was not going to have sex with his kidnapper! *Not to mention, he’s a guy.* He added, somewhat of an afterthought.

“W-what? No! No-o, no sex. You’re a guy, so that would be gay!” Light squeaked back. “Plus, why would you be fucking me?” He said, cringing at the unsightly language.

Mello looked dumbfounded. “Well, I certainly wouldn’t be the bitch in this equation.” He told Light nastily.

“And I would be?” Light snapped back indignantly. The nerve of this man, he could totally fuck him if he wanted to!

“Well, you are the one beneath me…whimpering.” Mello offered helpfully, grinning in a predatory way.

Light shrank at that leering gaze. “Well, I don’t like this.” He announced. “You…you took advantage of me!”

Mello gaped. “I did what?” He sputtered indignantly. “You wanted it! And don’t try to deny it.”

Light avoided his fiery gaze. “No i didn’t.” He mumbled sourly.

Mello than took ahold of his chin, forcing Light to look at him. He then grabbed him again and started to stroke lazily, earning yet another yelp from the brunette.

Mello looked at him smugly. “So, you really don’t like this?”

“N-No?” Light stuttered, rather unconvincingly. 

Mello than sighed and let him go. He then kissed him again. Light couldn’t help himself as he closed his eyes and again enjoyed the other man’s hot mouth against his.

Mello then abruptly pulled away, smiling smugly. “But you like when I kiss you.” He informed him huskily. “And don’t try to deny it, I hate liars.”

“I…” Light was torn. He was not about to admit he had enjoyed kissing another man. But obviously, his traitorous body would beg to differ. He did not want to admit this to the blonde, though.

Mello stroked his cheek, waiting for the answer that he already knew.

*I didn’t enjoy it.* Light told himself stubbornly. But looking into the mans harsh gaze, he felt it would be best to just be a tiny bit honest.

“Yes.” he whispered back. “But..but only the kissing.” He hastily replied, not wanting Mello to get any strange ideas.

Mello looked smug, before slowly sighing. “Fine you’re not ready yet.” He simply told him. 

Light wanted to disagree and tell him that he would never be ready. But he was afraid his voice would sound less than convincing. Mello than abruptly stood up, leaving Light a dazed, aroused mess on the floor. Light annoyingly missed the warm contact.

“Let’s get you dressed.” Mello informed him, as if he hadn’t just tried to bed him!

Light stood up, and reached to grab his towel.

Mello smirked. “What, now your modest? It’s nothing I haven’t already seen.” He informed him smugly.

Light just simply glared, and wrapped the towel defiantly over his waist. He hoped that his little problem would go away fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and review! Also, no I do not own death note and NO I am making no $$$ from this teehee:)) This is my first ever attempt at writing 'smut'...and it's not even that dirty. I just don't think I'm very good at it, but I hope that's not obvious. Stay tuned for the next chapter...things escalate more than you would think!;)


	8. Light hates ripped jeans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH big smut warning....a ha ha *sweats* i literally hate writing smut bc it's so awkward but I tried to make it good? hopefully? Things are definitely progressing fast...

Light followed Mello into a room that was apparently connected to the bathroom. Mello walked over and opened a door, that seemed to lead to a walk in closet. 

“Since you have vomit all over your preppy boy-toy clothes, you’re gonna have to wear something of mine.” Mello called from inside the closet,

Light shifted uncomfortably. Based on Mello’s clothes at the moment, it probably meant he was going to have to wear something black and leather.

“I don’t wear leather.” Light informed him, shortly.

This caused the blonde to pop his head out from the closet, and glare at Light. “Like I would ever let you touch anything leather, you’d probably just vomit on it.” He sneered.

Light just glared back in response. *He’s never gonna let me live that down.* He thought miserably. 

Mello then reappeared holding, surprise surprise, black clothes. As he handed them to Light , he saw it was a band t-shirt and black skinny jeans. He didn’t mind the band t-shirt, even though it hard a rather horrid looking skull on it, but he drew the line at skinny jeans. *That will make me appear even more gay.* He thought defiantly. Plus they were ripped! Light didn’t want to look homeless.

So Light then proceeded to pull the t-shirt over his head. It was oversized, so even though Mello was more lithe than him, it still fit rather loose. He ignored the jeans and, embarrassingly, decided his black boxers would have to do. *At least they match.* He mused to himself. 

Mello just stared at him. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Light glowered. “I am not wearing skinny jeans! Plus, they have holes in them, that’s not very sightly.”

Mello stared at Light as if he had just grown a second head. “They’re ripped on purpose, it’s the style.” He slowly informed him. “And it’s totally badass!”

Light sniffed.

Mello than stalked up to him, looking very predatory. This caused Light to unwillingly step back. He was then pulled forward by the shirt’s collar. 

“So what? You’re just going to parade around in your undies?” He demanded.

“Yes…” Light murmured, uncertain.

Mello then suddenly grabbed Light’s package, making him yelp.

“So your new game is teasing me…is that it?” He asked lowly, started to stroke.

“N-no…stop that.” Light said, startled.

“Do you really want me to?” Mello questioned defiantly, before massaging him even harder.

This earned, unfortunately, a low moan from Light.

“Didn’t think so.” Mello smiled smugly.

Light’s little problem quickly returned.

“Seriously Mello, knock it off! This is inappropriate!” Light protested.

“So now you wanna act all shy? Fine, if it’s bothering you that much, tell me to stop. Right now. But don’t protest in that weak schoolgirl way as if you’re embarrassed. Tell me firmly, that you aren’t enjoying this and I will cease any further advancements.” Mello threatened.

Light once again cursed how his body was rebelling against his mind. Of course he liked it! That much was obvious. But he hated that Mello was the one making him feel this way. But the thought of making him stop, was something that didn’t exactly appeal to Light in the moment. But if he said yes now, he was giving Mello permission to do whatever he wanted to him. Plus, Mello was still a male. And Light refused to accept that his perfect self might have an aversion to this abnormal behavior. Perfect, golden boys were not gay! 

“Soooo?” Mello slowly questioned, dragging out the o. He quickened his pace yet again and Light yelped.

“Okay, fine maybe i like this. But..b-But it’s just because i’m stressed! And it doesn’t make me gay! And it’s not an invitation to sleep with me. And i-“ Light’s babbling was silenced by Mello’s mouth on his own once again. 

“Oh of course you like it. But don’t worry, i’ll work that shyness out of you soon enough. By the end, you’ll be begging for release.” Mello drawled promisingly, pulling away from Light’s mouth.

Light didn’t know what the blonde meant by that. 

Suddenly he was being pushed backwards, onto the bed. He yelped as he hit the soft black comforter beneath him. Mello crawled on top of him to continue the task at hand. 

To his complete embarrassment, Mello suddenly pulled his boxers completely off. Leaving him completely vulnerable from the waist down. Light thought of protesting, but that thought was quickly replaced by a hot surge of pleasure running down his spine. 

Mello’s skilled hand began to stroke him at a very steady pace. He ran his thumb over the tip before alternating between gently yanking and full on stroking. Light, at this point, couldn’t stop the feverish moans that spilled from his lips. He had never been touched like this before, so this new experience quite literally took his breath away.

“You like that, don’t you pet? Oh but you were so shy before. I’m so pleased that you managed to rid yourself of your haughty pride. Looking at you now, well, I could just eat you up. You like that?”

Light whimpered in response.

“Answer me.” Mello suddenly demanded, stopping his tortuous stroking.

“Y-yes!” Light whined, desperately wanting the blonde’s movement to begin once again.

“You’re getting so hot and bothered with only my hand. Such a good little slut. All for me.” Mello told him gleefully.

Light gasped. “More.” he moaned.

“What’s the magic word?” Mello asked him in a singsong voice.

“Please.” Light begged. Oh, how he hated begging!

Mello increased the movements of his hand. After a few moments, Light felt a hot sensation building at the bottom of his stomach. He jerked up into Mello’s palm.

“Mello..I-I-“ Light couldn’t say that nasty word, but he knew he was close.

And then, much to Light’s dismay, Mello abruptly stopped. Light suddenly looked down at Mello, quite flustered and hurt.

“You wanna come?” Mello questioned him challengingly. Light blushed, but nodded. Hoping to placate Mello so he would continue.

“Too bad.” Mello sneered.

Light gaped at him, blushing even harder. This could not be happening. 

“No, because, I thought you didn’t enjoy this? Enjoy me?” Mello began. “I think some begging for forgiveness is in order. Maybe then i’ll feel a bit more inclined to help you out.”

Light’s gaze turned murderous. And this greatly amused Mello. His brunette companion was very put out at the thought of begging. 

“No, you’d rather sit there? Unfulfilled and whining for release? You might be here awhile.” Mello suddenly moved to get up. Light, alarmed at that prospect, quickly grabbed Mello’s sinful wrist.

Mello just smirked. “Oh, you don’t want me to go? Well i suppose i could listen to you beg.” His eyes flashed hungrily.

Light squirmed, wanting to refuse. But, it soon became apparent that Mello was willing to sit there and watch him like that all night. He, unfortunately, gave into his base instincts.

“Please, let me.” He whispered.

“Huh? What was that?” Mello cupped a hand to his ear. “That didn’t sound very genuine.”

Petty rage filled Light, all he wanted was for this torturous edge to go away!

“Please! Let me…let me uh.. you know, uh get rid of this…er, uh, feeling?” Light pleaded.

“Say it.” Mello challenged him to say those oh so humiliating, disgusting words.

When Light was silent, he decided a bit more goading was in order. 

“Do you need help? Say ‘Mello let me cum. Please. I am a dirty whore who needs to come all over your masterful hands. Oh please, master, let me!”

Light was shocked into silence, he would most definitely not say that!

Mello just glared at him. “Those exact words. Or I’m going to drag you back to that chair and tie you up!”

That horrified Light, he didn’t want to be unsatisfied, not after all of this embarrassment! He had to get something from this humiliating experience. 

“Fine! UH…. Mello…p-please? Let me…c- cu-cum!” He growled.

Mello cocked his head, waiting for him to go on. Light was appalled. Really? Word for word? Oh he hated this guy.

“I…i’m a dirty… uh whore. I need to come on your…ummm, masterful hands. Please..m- mas- urgh! Uh, please master, let me!” Light finished, whining. “Please?” He added in a pitiful sounding voice, hoping this would be enough to spur him on.

Fortunately, it was. Mello resumed his previous motion. Light shivered as that feeling over took him. And before he knew it, he was crying out in shame and pleasure. His body burned as the pleasure overtook him, and Mello reached down to muffle his needy moans with his mouth. 

Light’s vision blurred, as he slowly came back to reality. Mello was licking his hand and Light cringed. That was so unhygienic!

As Mello caught him staring, he smiled sinisterly.

“Now, wasn’t that great?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and review! Also, no I do not own death note and NO I am making no $$$ from this teehee:)) Stay tuned for the next chapter, where apparently Kira is now a bakery owner...?


	9. Ryuk is the most unhelpful shinigami in existence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Ryuk arrives:)) Much to Light's dismay...lol at the beginning of the manga, their relationship is so cute tho. I kinda wanted them to have a 'bromance'...not that they'd ever admit to liking one another! Still, I love that it's cannon that Ryuk asked to play Mario Golf with Light. TBH, I don't know if it's explicitly against the Death Note rules for Ryuk to tell Misa where Light is kidnapped, but if he told her the location the story would be over much too soon...and we can't have that;)

“Well, Light-o it seems you’ve gotten yourself into quite a predicament this time.” A deep, annoying voice roused him from his slumber.

Ryuk was now standing in front of Light, who was once again tied to the annoying wooden chair. The shinigami looked quite amused, much to Light’s annoyance.

Light scowled. “How did you find me?” He muttered, not wanting to look like he was talking to thin air if he was indeed being monitored.

“Don’t worry, Light-o. You aren’t being recorded. I looked for camera’s before I woke you up.” The shinigami, who seemingly had read his mind, explained.

Light was confused, why would they leave him unsupervised? 

“There is two very scary men outside the door though. They have guns! So they’d probably shoot you if you made any noise.” Ryuk, unhelpfully, answered Light’s silent question.

“So how did you find me?” Light demanded, once again. 

“Hyuk, Hyuk. Well, Misa was ripping her hair out in worry over you. So after she offered to buy me an apple tree, I went to go find you.”

Light silently screamed ‘VICTORY!” Now Misa would know where he was and his father would surely rescue him. How Misa had found out where Light was would be a problem for another time.

“Great Ryuk, I knew I could count on you! So, just where exactly am I?” Light questioned urgently.

“Oh, I can’t tell you that Light, that would be breaking the rules.” Ryuk informed him.

Light felt righteous anger burn inside of him. Ryuk was the most unhelpful shinigami in existence! “What do you mean? No it wouldn’t!” Light snapped.

“Uh, excuse me Light-o, but I know the rules better than you! No, because it could potentially lengthen your lifespan and I would be killed!” Ryuk snapped. “And I very much like living….plus, this is way too entertaining! No, my only obligation is to report back to Misa that you’re safe. That was the deal.” Ryuk told him.

“Entertaining?” Light raged. “I’m tied to an uncomfortable chair and being threatened with beatings and guns! Ryuk, you’re an asshole!”

“Hey now! Do you want me to write your name in my Death Note?” Ryuk threatened.

“…no.” Light sighed.

The shinigami, seemingly appeased, put away the Death Note. “So what is this anyway, you got kidnapped?”

“Yeah.” Light stated dryly, because why else would he be tied to a chair in a foreign country?

Ryuk then busted out into a fit of giggles, raising Light’s blood pressure once again.

“Yeah I know, hilarious, right?” Light scowled.

“It is pretty funny.” The shinigami chuckled. “Kira, oh so mighty Kira, captured by a mafia gang!” He started giggling madly again.

“Is that what they are?” Light questioned.

Ryuk shrugged. “That’s what it looked like to me.”

Light thought about this. The Mafia. At least now that he knew what organization they were apart of, it would be much easier to find their names.

“So, the task force is working on getting me back somehow though, right?”

“Eh, no.” Ryuk shrugged. “They found a bakery owner, and thought he might be a Kira? So now they’re looking into that…honestly Light, without you and L it’s turned into a complete shit show. I mean, a bakery owner? A simple man who makes pastries? It doesn’t even make logical sense. No wonder they never figured out you were Kira.” He scoffed. 

Light was shaking with rage. His father wasn’t the least bit concerned? He really was going to rot here. He could only depend on himself. He decided, as soon as he managed to escape, he would also kill all of the task force members. Including, Soirchiro….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and review! Also, no I do not own death note and NO I am making no $$$ from this teehee:)) Sorry this chapter was short, the next one will be a bit longer:)


	10. Special interrogation tactics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so a few things before we get into this chapter. One, L's alive in this. I hated that he died, and since I control this fanfiction;) i wanted him alive. And the killer he 'fucked off to go and find', as Mello so eloquently put it, is Beyond Birthday. So BB's alive as well. Because I love BB, and I wanted L to be away from the task force for a while and not know that Light was kidnapped right away. Also, Rem died killing Higuchi instead of L. For obvious plot reasons. So with all that in mind, enjoy reading!

The next morning he awoke to not only Ryuk staring at him, but Mello as well. Surprisingly, he was more disturbed by the latter.

“Oh Light-o, you’ve got a visitor!” Ryuk chuckled deviously. 

*Thank you for that acute observation Ryuk. What next, is the sky blue?* Light thought irritably. He had not had his coffee yet and he hated mornings. 

“Good morning Light, how did you sleep?” Mello asked pleasantly.

Light raised his eyebrow. “I have a crick in my neck.” He answered honestly. “Do you have any coffee?”

“Oh of course you can have coffee!” Mello nodded his head. “But first, you have to answer some questions.”

Of course. 

“So, while I was reading L’s files,” Mello continued “I found that you, apparently, were the first Kira.”

Oh sweet Jesus, not this again! Just as Light had started to enjoy not being called Kira.

“I’m not Kira.” Light gritted his teeth. Ryuk laughed manically. 

“Hm, I read in L’s files that you denied all involvement, so of course I knew you were going to say that.” Mello grinned. “But L knew you were Kira, and L is never wrong.”

“Well he was wrong about me.” Light insisted. “And I don’t think L can be considered a trustworthy source anymore..”

“What makes you say that?” Mello asked, eyes glinting dangerously.

“Well, L’s gone.” Light said. “He decided, to hell with the Kira case, and ran off to catch some escaped murderer.”

Mello stood up and paced around for a few moments, before slamming his fist down on the coffee table. Light jumped, just what was wrong now?

“You’re a filthy liar!” Mello snarled. “L doesn’t leave cases, and I just spoke to him this morning! If he had abandoned the case, obviously, he would have told me about it.”

*Oops* Light realized too late. *No one was supposed to know L was missing.*

“I am not a liar.” Light began, but was promptly cut off by Mello punching him. His head reeling, he faintly heard Ryuk giggling yet again. What a sadist.

“Ow!” Light whined. Mello grabbed his face and got dangerously close. Light suddenly had the urge to kiss him. *What the fuck? I really am loosing it.* Light thought dejectedly.

“I’m not a liar.” He scowled back at Mello, trying to ignore the harsh pain throbbing in his cheekbone. “No one knows L’s gone, so we have a proxy to make it look like he’s still around! It used to be me but…obviously someone else must have took over, and that’s who you spoke to.”

Mello released him and studied Light’s face fiercely. *He seems sincere.* Mello mused.

“Well, that would have been nice to know before I was speaking to L like we were old chums! You’re just lucky i didn’t let any critical information about my identity or the kidnapping slip!” Mello snarled. “I thought it was weird though, how he kept talking about letting you go and playing club penguin…”

Light breathed sharply through his nose. They were letting HIM masquerade as L? How embarrassing.

“That was Matsuda then.” Light informed him, sullenly.

“Was that the idiot on the phone who asked if you were on drugs?” Mello asked.

Light nodded sourly.

“L would be so upset if he knew that idiot was playing L! That’s an important title! Now it means about as much as dog shit. No..this is bad. I need to find L so he can reclaim his rightful title. Thank God that bastard Near hasn’t found out about L being gone….” Mello said, the last part mostly to himself.

“Near?” Light was confused.

“Never mind that! Which killer did he fuck off to go and find?” Mello demanded.

“I don’t know!” Light said defensively, not wanting to get smacked again. “He was just here one day, and gone the next! He was rather upset about it though. He kept mentioning something about his birthday..?”

Mello looked appalled. “He’s risking everything for that cumbucket? I told L that bastard would be the death of him! Dammit, dammit all to hell!”

Light stood their silently, not understanding in the slightest what was going on while Mello snarled out a few more colorful insults.

Mello finally stopped his raging, taking a deep breath. He then smiled wickedly at Light.

“Well thank you for all of that useful information Light!” Mello told him. “Hopefully you’ll be just as helpful answering my next questions.”

“This guys scary.” Ryuk commented.

Light rolled his eyes. “Let me guess, ‘Are you Kira, Light?’”

“Well yes, that was one of them.” Mello admitted. “But I want you to tell me where the Death Note is! Obviously, you have one of your own. I don’t need the Task Force’s notebook specifically, I just need a notebook."

The shinigami looked far too amused for his own good. “Well Light-o, looks like you have another Kira helper.”

Light tried desperately hard to not yell at Ryuk to shut up. Mello would not be on Kira’s team. Nor the opposite team. He was simply going to die, as soon as Light escaped. He was a criminal! One who desperately needed Light’s judgement. Plus, no one who had defiled Light in such an embarrassing way as Mello had could live! *No matter how much I liked it.* Light lamented, before inwardly groaning. He really had to get these pesky thoughts under control. 

“I wouldn’t know where the notebook is, since i’m not Kira.” Light told him, which was partially true. He didn’t know where the task force’s was. He only knew where his and Misa’s were. But he obviously didn’t share this with Mello. 

“So now i’m going to have to resort to interrogation tactics, hm? Fine by me.” Mello said nastily, before raising his hand. As Light was praying that this blow wouldn’t knock out any teeth, he suddenly was confused. Mello had dropped his hand, and wasn’t looking like he was about to attack Light. Light involuntarily relaxed. But then, Mello did something that horrified Light.

He climbed onto his lap and straddled him. In full view of Ryuk. 

Even though it was physically impossible, Light was sure he could actually hear his blood boiling. No doubt his face was redder than those nasty tomatoes that were still laying on the floor. Ryuk started howling so loud Light swore it might actually kill him. Of course, Ryuk was enjoying this. Of course, Mello just had to try and seduce him in front of his demon shadow. *Ryuk is going to tease me about this until the end of time. God forbid he tell Misa! Oh no! I could actually loose my eyes.* Light thought sadly. He had only been awake for ten minutes, and already he wanted to write his own name in the Death Note solely to escape this predicament. 

“WOW Light, buddy.” Ryuk stuttered through tears. “You’re gone for two days and you’ve already turned gay!”

Light seethed. He had had enough of people telling him he was a homosexual! “I’m not gay!” He proclaimed, forgetting he wasn’t supposed to be talking to Ryuk.

Mello, however, assumed Light was talking to him. “Really?” He cocked his head. “You weren’t complaining last night. In fact, you were begging for me.”

Ryuk doubled over and writhed around on the floor. “Oh this is just too good!” he cackled. “It’s already happened! I knew one day…but i always thought it would be with good old L.” He taunted. “I should’ve placed a bet in the shinigami realm!”

The other shinigami thought he was gay? Perish the thought! Light officially despised all Gods of Death. 

“Well, that was different! I’m not gay anymore.” Light tried in vain to justify himself. Unfortunately Mello, and even Ryuk for that matter, didn’t believe him.

“Should I buy you a pride flag?” Ryuk mocked him. 

“That’s not how it works, my dear night Light.” Mello teased. Light hated this new nickname. “I have finally exposed you to your raging queerness! Me, I did that! You aren’t allowed to take it back.” He proclaimed fiercely. “You're gay. And you're gay for me!"

Light was about to protest when he suddenly felt Mello kissing his neck. It would have been enjoyable, if not for Ryuk’s obnoxious comments. 

“Light, is that a gun in your pants? Or are you just veryyy happy?” “Light, who’s the wife in this whole equation?” “Are you moaning? Oh Light he really is ‘interrogating' you huh?” “I always knew no man who was attracted to females would use as many hair products as you do!” 

Light, for the first time, really wished that Ryuk had died killing Higuchi, not Rem. 

“So, tell me Light.” Mello drawled slipping his hand underneath Light’s boxers, making him yelp. “How did you do it? How did you manage to fool everyone, save for L of course, that you weren’t Kira?”

Whatever defense Light was going to spew this time, quickly died as Mello started to stoke his erection. Panting, he tried to remember what Mello had just asked of him as the blonde continued his torturously slow pace.

“Go on Light, Kira. Confess to me all of your sins. I’ll make you feel oh so good.” Mello purred in Light’s ear. It sent chills up and down his spine. He started sucking on a particularly sweet spot on Light’s neck, as Light continued moaning. That familiar burning sensation slowly crept into his stomach.

“Tell me Light.” Mello began, suddenly slowing his movement down quite considerably, making Light let out a low and animalistic whine. “Tell me. You’re Kira, aren’t you.”

*I am Kira.* Light hazily thought. Maybe he should just tell Mello. And then he could get that sweet, sweet release.

“I-“ Before Light could finish that dreadful sentence that would have ultimately been his undoing, a loud knock sounded at the door. 

Mello, hurriedly climbing off Light, yelled out. “Who is it?” He sounded almost as annoyed as Light felt, now he had blue balls!

“Mels! I hacked into one of the computers at the task force. We can finally watch them!” A voice excitedly called from other other side of the door.

Mello sighed. “Come in.”

As the door opened, Light felt enraged. Not only had he been denied release, and was now flushed and sweaty, he had almost admitted to being Kira. He had survived stalking, captivity, constant surveillance, an annoying blonde, and his father almost shooting him. Only to foolishly almost give up his identify over a fucking hand job? Light mentally slapped himself over and over again. *This is very bad.* He worriedly thought, fighting the urge to panic. Mello had gotten farther in less than two days then L had gotten in a year! The rational, intelligent side of his brain had been silenced by only a hand and a pair of lips! No, that could never happened again. If they hadn’t of been interrupted, Light would have just committed suicide!

A redhead entered carrying a macbook. He wore a striped shirt, green jeans and a pair of goggles. Even though they were inside? Light mentally gagged as he assessed the fashion disaster in front of him. He outfit didn’t match, not one bit! It looked as if he had been dressed by a blind monk.

As Mello and this stranger started conversing, Ryuk crept over to Light. Great, just what he needed. More mental abuse he couldn’t defend himself against.

“Gee whiz, real life porn! I can’t believe my luck.” Ryuk mocked him sinisterly. “And oh how you enjoyed it Light, letting out moans that would have made Paris Hilton jealous.”

How did Ryuk know who Paris Hilton was? *Misa* Light sourly thought. The two really had to stop conversing about pop culture.

“You wanted to tell him about yourself, huh? How you were Kira? Oh Light don’t deny it. I saw how close you were. In more ways than one.” Ryuk laughed. “So even the great Light Kira Yagami isn’t immune to the charms of sex. How are you going to weasel your way out of this one?”

Light didn’t have a response to that, even if he could freely converse with the shinigami.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and review! Also, no I do not own death note and NO I am making no $$$ from this teehee:)) Stay tuned for the next chapter, where L finally comes in. Also, there's another disastrous phone call with the task force.


	11. A quite eventful phone conference

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years! This is the last chapter of 2020. Hopefully, 2021 is better:))
> 
> Also L finally comes in. Ahhh I love him! I can't believe they killed him off smh...well, at least in my fanfiction universe he can remain alive. Also I love the concept of no one caring Light has been abducted, it's too funny.

“Light, would you like to see how your old friends at task force are doing?” Mello asked, holding the laptop containing security footage from Headquarters.

*Screw those guys.” Light angrily thought.

But instead he remained silent as the laptop was placed on the coffee table in front of him. *That reminds me. I still want coffee.* Light sighed moodily.

“Can I still have coffee?” He tried to ask politely.

Mello glared at him and then slapped him. Light guessed that was thug talk for ‘no’. 

The footage was rather boring, just the task force stupidly talking about how they really thought a bakery owner could be Kira. *As if.* Light’s pride was already severely wounded, and judging by the clock at the top right corner of the computer, it wasn’t even noon!

Suddenly Misa barged in, and started wailing about how she still couldn’t find Light.

“Oh yeah, probably should’ve gone back and told her you were still alive…oops.” Ryuk giggled. 

“Misa, we are doing everything we can.” Aizawa tried to calm her.

“But I thought the chief said finding Light would be a waste of tim-“ “Matsuda, shut up.” The chief firmly interrupted him.

Mello and his redheaded friend turned awkwardly to Light, who didn’t think it was possible to feel more homicidal then he was already.

“Oh so when i’m kidnapped it’s a waste of time!” Light ranted. “But when Matsuda, stupidly, almost gets killed we all have to put our asses on the line to save him? Unbelievable!” 

“And I didn’t say exactly that it would be a waste of time.” The chief tried to defend himself. “I only said that we have no idea where Light could possibly be, not to mention we would never give a highly dangerous weapon to criminals! How do we know they wouldn’t kill Light, and then all of us with the Death Note after we got him back anyway? That’s why I simply said, it would not be wise to spend our time trying to get Light back in vain."

“Oh because that phrasing sounds so much better, asshole.” Light snapped, as if Soichiro could hear him. 

“But Light is so defenseless!” Misa sobbed. “He has no protection!” Also known as, the Death Note.

*And i’m not defenseless, I’m a God.” Light bitterly thought. 

“Light will be okay.” Matsuda awkwardly tried to comfort her. “He’s smart. I’m telling you, he beats me at rock, paper, scissors every time!”

“Matsuda, everyone beats you at that game!” Mogi snapped.

“Is this really how a bunch of ex-cops trying to catch Kira spend their time?” Mello asked, dumbfounded.

“Pretty much.” Light grumbled, more than happy to throw his ‘friends’ under the bus. “The only reason we ever get solid evidence is because of me and L.” He not so humbly bragged. 

Mello simply glared at Light. “That big head doesn’t suit you!” He snapped.

“Well, I’m not the brightest student in Japan for nothing.” Light replied smoothly, unaffected by the insult. Like someone as clueless as Mello would ever understand the depths of his intelligence, anyways. 

Mello was about to retort when suddenly a familiar voice threw them off.

Watari.

“Oh Watari, thank God!” Matsuda sounded ecstatic. 

“Yes, hello? I heard that a very urgent break was made in the case. At least, that better be the case. L is not to be disturbed otherwise.” The old man grumbled.

*L!* Light’s heart lept. Surely L would want to save his friend, and most important Kira suspect, from ruthless kidnappers.

“Is Ryuzaki there?” Soirchrio asked.

Watari sighed, and then said. “Well, unfortunately, he has been working overtime to try and find Bey- I mean the murderer who escaped. I’ll see if I can get him to spare a few moments."

“Ryuzaki?” The redhead questioned.

“L’s alias.” Light informed him. 

The redhead looked curiously at Light, before returning his attention to the livestream.

“Yes?” L’s monotone voice spoke through the phone.

“Oh thank God, Ryuzaki! We really need your help." Matsuda exclaimed.

“Can’t you simply get Light-kun to help? I am extremely busy at the moment.” L responded, emotionless as always.

“Well, that’s the thing…” Matsuda started.

“Light’s been kidnapped!” Misa interrupted, wailing. “But this time not by you, by scary men who have guns and who hit him! Oh please find him Ryuzaki! I promise i’ll give you all my cake and never call you a pervert again.” Misa wailed. 

“Well, that’s not technically-“ Soirchiro started.

“Light-kun has been kidnapped? Now just who would want to kidnap him?” L questioned.

Light gaped, deeply offended. Plenty of people would want to kidnap him. As stated many times before, he was very pretty!

“That’s what I said.” Aizawa muttered.

“Oh so I guess today must be 'shit on Light day!’” Light angrily pouted. “Thanks a lot L, NOT!”

Mello shushed him, and L started speaking again. 

“Are we sure Light is really in danger? That this isn’t an elaborate attempt to convince us, once and for all, that he is not Kira?

Light started praying that L would get diabetes. And get fat. 

“Well, these kidnappers actually kidnapped him because they want the Death Note.” Soichiro started explaining. “But since we absolutely cannot give them that, they refuse to let Light go.”

“So Light-kun could be trying to convince the task force he is kidnapped, and then he would simultaneously regain ownership of the Death Note. Except then, no one would suspect he was the one who had it.” L mused.

“….Why does that make too much sense?” Aizawa muttered.

“What? That’s a stupid idea!” Light muttered childishly, even though he could agree that there was sound logic attached to that theory. Except, he knew that his father would never give up the Death Note. With that piece of insider information, why would he decide to go through with a fake ‘kidnapping’ plan anyway?

“Believe me, Light-kun will miraculously reappear in a few day, claiming to have ‘escaped’, when he realizes that we won’t release the Death Note to anyone. He couldn’t possibly live without his hair products for any longer than that.” L assured them.

Light glared a hole in the screen. He was sadistically glad that they would realize he wouldn’t be returning in a few days. His glee quickly turned into distress when he realized that just meant he would probably be killed. 

“Now what we really called you to talk about.” Soirchiro resumed speaking. “Is we now have new information that a bakery owner could be Kira.”

“A bakery owner? Yes, there could be some logic to that.” L said, somewhat excitedly. Showing more emotion than when he thought Light was in grave danger.

Light seethed, so now the whole task force was convinced he made up the whole situation? And now they were talking about fucking pastries? He was definitely moving out after this. And he would not play tennis with L ever again! *That’ll show him.” Light thought, smugly.

Mello, seemed to be as annoyed as Light was. But for different reasons.

“Motherfucker!” He shouted. “Not even L believes this is a real, and very serious kidnapping? What does a guy have to do to convince everyone that he is very capable of a kidnapping! Matt, get the phone, we are calling that so called ‘task force’ right this instant.”

The redhead, who was apparently named ‘Matt”, retrieved the flip phone.

“I’m getting a call from the kidnappers!” Soirchiro exclaimed. “Or rather, Light and his ‘friends’….but I suspect one of them is his gay lover.” he said, sourly.

“Yes, that is a very plausible theory.” L mused. “Put the speaker on.”

“Light’s not gay!” Misa squealed, although no one seemed to be listening.

Light was furious, now even L believed he was gay? If anyone was gay, it was L! He was the one who had kept Light chained to him all those months and spied on him through security cameras. Spitefully, Light concluded that he would have the more heterosexual sex of his life with Misa if he ever returned home. Maybe he would even film it. That would shut everyone up.

“Hello?” Soirchiro answered.

Mello opened his mouth to respond, but Light beat him to it.

“Fuck you, L!” He shouted, manners and alias forgotten. “And fuck you Aizawa, fuck you Mogi, fuck you Matsuda, and especially fuck you DAD!” Light ranted.

“What did I do?” Matsuda exclaimed, very confused. 

“Son! That is so disrespectful, were you spying on us? From where? Once you get home from all of this fake kidnapping business, you’re grounded until you’re 36!” His father ranted. “I knew I should’ve spanked you more as a child!”

Light paused his anger, now feeling embarrassed. His father swore he’d never tell anyone that!

Mello looked at him, pervertedly.

“Hello, Light-kun.” L responded bored. “If you don’t mind me saying, uttering the phrase ‘fuck you’ to another male isn’t really helping the rumors about your sexuality at the moment.”

“Shut up L! I’m not a homosexual.” Light spit. “If anything, you’re the one who’s gay! What with the chain and the secret cameras in my room!”

‘What chain?” Mello mouthed, confused.

“Why yes, I am gay.” L stated. “Does Light-kun think the word ‘gay’ is an insult? I thought you were much more progressive than that.”

Light, Matt, Mello, and even the whole task force gaped at that. 

“N-no it’s not an insult.” Light hurriedly said, feeling ashamed. He wasn't intolerant! “I’m just tired of everyone saying i’m gay, when i’m clearly very straight!”

“Than why don’t you sleep with Misa? I know I would.” Matsuda sheepishly asked.

Light gritted his teeth. How did Matsuda know about his sex life! Or, lack thereof.

“Matsui! I told you that in confidence!” Misa pouted. “Although…he does have a point Light.”

“Misa?” He sputtered. “I told you, I’m waiting until marriage!”

“But that’s not true! You’re not even religious!” she argued. 

“We’re getting off topic!” Aizawa snapped. 

“Yes that’s right, Light-kun, to what do we owe the pleasure of this call?” L asked.

“Well, I wanted to inform you assholes, that I actually am very much kidnapped. It’s not an elaborate plan!” Light pouted. “It’s actually awful, I had to eat something called Mcdonalds!”

“Well, now I know Light-kun is lying. He wouldn’t eat Mcdonalds even if he were moments away from starving to death. You’re far too prissy.” L stated.

“L, if I ever escape this i’ll kick your ass! Just who do you think you are, of all people, to lecture me about what I eat!” Light ranted.

“What’s Mcdonalds?” Matsuda questioned, cluelessly.

“Light-kun’s threat of violence makes his Kira percentage at 69% now.” L informed him.

Matt tried to discreetly snicker. 

As Light was shocked into silence, Mello then decided it would be a smart time to introduce himself.

“L! It’s me, Mello.” He proudly stated. “I actually did kidnap Light, and now I’m holding him here until we obtain the Death Note! What do you think of that?” He questioned, smugly. 

“Mello?” L said, sounding the tiniest bit shocked. “What are you doing with Light-kun?”

“I’m here too L!” Matt called.

“Oh hello Matt, is Near there as well?”

“No!” Mello snapped. “This is far too complex for Near! All that sheep does is play fucking robots!”

“Mello, language.” L scolded.

Light and the entire task force wore matching expressions of shock, not knowing what to make of the situation.

“So Mello and Matt, you two are in on this conspiracy with Light-kun. I’m very disappointed. I though Wammy’s house would’ve raised you better than that.’ L said, sounding disappointed. “Now you two want to be Kira as well?”

“NO! No, no, no, and NO!” Mello shouted. “L, i came up with this plan all by myself. And Light certainly will not have ownership of the Death Note, it will be me.”

“Mello,” L sighed. “This is why I could never make you number one. You are far too emotional and irrational. This is, to put it bluntly, a bad plan. We will never hand over the Death Note, no matter what threat you decide to make. Now, was there anything else you wanted?” L stated, sounding bored. 

“Excuse me.” Light interrupted, offended. “Does no one care that I am kidnapped? I could be killed!”

“Light-kun, Mello will not murder you.” L informed him.

“Well, why wouldn’t I?” Mello questioned, snappily.

“Because then I will take you out of the running and definitively make Near number one.”

Mello gasped. “WHAT?!?! NO! YOU WOULDN”T! NEAR IS PRACTICALLY BRAINDEAD! HOW COULD YOU L??” He raged.

“Well Mello, I won’t have to resort to such drastic measures, as long as no harm comes Light’s way.” L responded, still stoic as ever.

“..Whatever.” Mello grumbled.

“So am I free now?” Light questioned, hopefully.

“No!” Mello snapped. “Even if I can’t kill you, eventually they’ll want you back.”

“On the contrary, I think this will be a learning experience for Light-kun. It will build character, like a bootcamp.” L mused out loud. “No, Light can be kept by you for as long as you see fit. Perhaps when he comes back, his attitude will have improved. And this way, he cannot continue to commit murder anymore.”

“Well,” Soirchiro hastily added in. “If Light is going to stay, can we somehow have his school work be sent to him? It would really be unfortunate if his grades slipped.”

Light was fuming. If his hands were not tied he would have started punching holes into the wall. No one wanted him back? And his father wanted him to continue studying, as if he wasn’t tied to a chair in a Mafia crime den?

“I hate you guys.” Was all he could think to say.

“WHAT? I’m not a nanny!” Mello shouted. “This isn’t a daycare, or a bootcamp! Light will not be kept in comfortable conditions! I will continue to feed him Mcdonalds!” Mello threatened

Light paled.

“Mello, no one cares about Mcdonald’s food except for you and Light.” L sourly informed him.

“Light be good, and no more mouthing off! Maybe the kidnappers will treat you better if you’re more polite. And rid yourself of that nasty new cursing habit while you’re away.” Soirchrio told him, acting as if Light was about to go to sleep away camp.

“Will I ever see Light again?” Misa whimpered, clearly the only one upset about his absence. Even Matsuda looked mad now.

“Not if we don’t get the Death Note.” Mello threatened her.

“Well, I can make you a fake one! I could go to a craft store and oh, I could make it so cute! I could make it pink! Would you guys like that?” She questioned earnestly. “I promise, i’d make it with love!” 

“…No, it would be no use to me if it was fake.” Mello slowly responded.

“But you could still write in it! Everyone likes cute journals, right?”

“Misa, you idiot.” Light grumbled. “You should’ve just made a fake Death Note and sent it without saying it was fake! Seriously, why am I the only one that’s thought of this? Surely at least one of your pea brain’s should’ve been able to come to this conclusion.” Light added the last part, smirking nastily at what he thought was a quite well-crafted insult. 

“Well, night Light.” Mello turned to him and growled. “Obviously, before I released you I would test to see if it was fake. And if I did get a fake one, you would suffer very harsh consequences.” He smirked. “For conspiring, openly, in front of me….you’ll be getting Burger King tonight!”

Light felt faint, that sounded worse than Mcdoanld’s.

“Oh man…” Matt whispered, confirming Light’s fears. 

“That’s not fair!” Light squeaked. “L, rescue me please!! I’ll buy you every donut in the world I swear!”

“Hm, while I am touched by Light-kun’s offer-“ L did not sound the slightest bit touched “I already have all the funds necessary to buy every kind of donut in the world."

“Light sweetie, don’t worry. I found you once before and I will find you again!” Misa proudly stated. “Wait for me.” she whispered. 

“Thank you Misa!” Light said, ever graciously. At least one person was on his side! Even if she was dumber than a block of wood. 

Misa suddenly looked as if a light bulb went off in her head. “I know what Misa can do to make Light feel better!” She purred, seductively.

Light gulped, that sounded bad. “Er, what?”

“Everyone, cover your ears, I have a private message to Light!”

“We will not do that Misa.” L told her. “It would not do to have my two prime Kira suspects conspire with each other.”

“I’m not Kira!” Both Light and Misa shouted at the same time.

“Wait? L thought…she could be a Kira?” Matt asked, very confused.

Mello just shook his head.

"Fine you perverts! You’ll just have to listen.” Misa snapped. She grabbed the phone out of Soirchiro’s hand and whispered quietly into the microphone. “Light, don’t be afraid. I’m there with you. We’re kissing.”

Light, horrified, now knew exactly what Misa was trying to do.

“I’m taking my bra off. As your hands caress my soft breasts, I slowly sink down and take your full length into my mouth.” Misa murmured, moaning.

Light started coughing violently. Ryuk was cackling so hard, Light was amazed the building didn’t simply crash down. Mello looked as if he were going to be sick. Aizawa looked very annoyed. However, while Soirchiro, Matsuda, and Matt had gone completely red-faced, they also look extremely turned on. 

What a nightmare. 

Misa stopped, suddenly, as she was the only other person who heard Ryuk. “Why are you laughing? This isn't funny!” She demanded.

"No one was laughing…” L trailed off, sounding very disgusted. 

“...I think I love you.” Matt whispered. This earned him a quick slap to the head from Mello.

“Dude.” Light scowled at Matt.

“Well if you’re not gonna smash that beautiful goddess, someone should!” Matt snapped, offended. 

“Is that one of the kidnappers? That’s disgust-“ Misa stopped. “Actually, that’s great! Well, baby,” she suddenly sounded seductive again. “If you want to love me even more..just release Light! Then I’ll do whatever you want. Isn’t that right Light, you could share me for one night!” She proclaimed.

“Yuck, Misa no! That’s vile, how could you even think of cheating on me!” Light snapped, not even knowing why he was acting as upset as he was. The thought of Misa being handed off to some other chump didn’t exactly not appeal to him. Oh, but then of course he’d probably loose his eyes!

“Well Light, it wouldn’t be cheating if you agreed to it!” She yelled at him.

“She’s got a point.” Matt supported her, hastily.

“Absolutely not!” Light raged. “This is the worst day ever!”

Misa suddenly got angry.

“Well at least i’m trying Light! Why do you always have to be ungrateful! Its always 'Misa, you’re stupid!’ or ‘Misa, do this” never ‘Misa, i’m so proud of you! You’re perfect, I love you so much!’ And here I am prostituting myself for you! Maybe you should learn some manners! Goodbye!” Misa hastily stormed out.

“Call me!” Matt called out. 

Light was now at maximum annoyance. He had lost the one person who gave a damn about him! Hopefully Misa wasn’t too mad at him, or he might actually have to have sex with her and give her a ‘little Light’ to win her back! For some odd reason, his stomach lurched at that thought. 

“Well,” L broke the ice. “This has successfully ruined my day and taken precious time away from my research! For fucks sake, we’ve been on this call nearly an hour!” he ranted, for the first time ever sounding genuinely pissed off. “Thank you for that Light, Mello. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go back to work! You know, it’s that thing where people actually do not sit around on their asses and become productive members of society? Do not call this number again unless you’ve caught Kira.” L promptly hung up. 

Everyone stood in silence before Soirchiro chided Light once again! “So i guess I can most definitely expect for your grades to drop! Nice Light, way to go getting yourself kidnapped.”

“That’s not my fault!” Light yelled, why was he always the brunt of everyone’s anger?

“If you had been studying this would have never happened! Goodbye!” Then Soirchiro hung up! On the lifestream, though, Light could still hear him mumbling about Light being ‘a disappointment’ and ‘wasted use of sperm.’

Ryuk chuckled. “Well now everyone’s turned on you Light, even stupid Misa! Maybe I should write your name in the Death Note to put you out of your misery! Hyuk, Hyuk. But then i’d loose my entertainment…” He trailed off.

Light had had enough. “Shut your fucking mouth, you…you waste of air!”

“No one said anything, damn!” Mello yelled, unaware Light was yelling at an invisible entity. 

Then, of all people, Matt turned to glare at him.

“Why do the gay dudes always get the hot chicks!” He huffed, before storming out and slamming the door.

Light gawked, so now everyone on this whole godforsaken planet thought he was gay? When he became ruler, he would most definitely make it illegal for anyone to call Kira gay!

Ryuk just glared at him. “Bye.” he snapped nastily. “I’m going to check on Misa, you really are ungrateful!” With that, he promptly fucked off and flew away.

That just left Mello and Light, staring at each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and review! Also, no I do not own death note and NO I am making no $$$ from this teehee:)) Will Light ever be rescued? Will Matt ever get to 'smash' Misa? Will L end up getting every donut in the world? Will Mello and Light have another 'moment'? Will Ryuk ever get his apple tree? Read to find out;)


	12. That word seems to bother you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh this chapter is really short, I'm sorry about that:( I'll be posting another one soon enough, one that introduces another special character...;) TW: Mentions of SA

Mello spoke first, in an attempt to soothe some of the awkward energy surrounding the pair. “So, daddy used to spank you?” He smirked.

Light was appalled, of all the things Mello could of said, he chose that? “No.” Light snapped.

“Don’t lie Light.” Mello laughed. “You, most definitely, look like a boy who is in dire need of spanking!”

“I hate my dad.” Light growled, slumping further into his chair.

“Join the club.” Mello sneered.

“Why, what’s yours like?”

“He’s dead.” Mello replied blankly.

“Oh, my condolences.” Light replied awkwardly, even though he didn’t really care.

Mello didn’t really seem to care either, as he waved his hand dismissively. “He was a drug dealer and a rapist, who cares?”

Light involuntary stiffened at the use of that word.

Mello, unfortunately noticed this, and began to curiously stare at him. “That word seems to bother you a lot.” He commented.

Light felt annoyed, now just what was Mello going on about? “What word?” he scowled.

“Rapist.” Mello simply responded.

Light gave no outward reaction, already having slipped his mask of indifference on. Inside his own mind, however, he was panicking. “So Mello must’ve figured me out from that whole shower stunt.” He thought angrily. *Now he probably views me as weak and incompetent! Not perfect or God-like at all!* And then, another horrible thought came to him. *And that’s why he keeps making lewd insinuations about me bottoming or being submissive! He thinks i’m some kind of broken toy?* It may have been irrational, but from all the stress of being kidnapped and all of those disturbing calls, Light had a hard time thinking as clearly as he normally would’ve. 

“…it’s a nasty word.” Light sniffed indifferently. *If I don’t confirm its plausibility, then he’ll have to simply forget about that awful theory!* Light bitterly thought.

“Well, then what was all that business up in the bathroom?” Mello asked, still pressing the issue. Damn him!

“Well, when someone quite forcibly starts undressing you, you tend to assume the worst.” Light snapped. That was very much believable, why couldn’t the blonde just accept it?

“No, i think it’s more than that.” Mello insisted. Light visibly paled, he was not too fond of going through this interrogation! “Something, happened before, didn’t it? You’ve already been-“

“Nope!” Light proclaimed loudly, effectively cutting off Mello’s next words.

“Really?” He asked him unconvincingly.

“Really. I mean look at me, I’m a model student.” Light scowled. “And not to mention, at the risk of sounding repetitive, I'm the best student in all of Japan. Also, I have a girlfriend! So no, nothing like that has ever happened.”

“Like any that matters? Also, you didn’t seem to worried about having a girlfriend before.” Mello pointed out. 

Light didn’t dignify that with a response, suddenly finding the area above Mello’s head rather interesting. 

“Look,” Mello sighed. “You can tell me. I won’t judge you. I just want to make sure that you know i’m not gonna do anything like that to you. I might be capable of a lot of things, but rape isn’t one of them.”

“Good to know.” Light uttered back, stiffly. “Not that i was worried! Because, you wouldn’t be able to anyway.” He added, childishly.

Mello just stared at him for a long moment. “Whatever.” He muttered, slinking out of the room.

Thus leaving Light alone, once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Light doesn't want Mello to know of his secret, but Mello is determined to figure Light out:( But he'll make some progress, all in due time. Please comment and review! Also, no I do not own death note and NO I am making no $$$ from this teehee:))


	13. Light and his Shinigami friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: This was actually two chapters made into one because they were too short on their own. And yes, Rem was brought back to life by the death note. Because the shinigami kind can do whatever he wants, so why not? REm's death made me sad too, so obviously I had to bring her back. OKay, enjoy Light's new sinister plans.

After Light had been bored to the verge of tears after several long hours of being in isolation, he fell asleep. Now, normally Light Yagami would never be caught dead napping in the middle of the day. However, he still hadn’t had any coffee, and the lack of caffeine had gotten to him. Plus, the whole kidnapping situation was weighing quite heavily on his mind these days.

When Light finally work up, he nearly screamed. Because not only was Ryuk standing in front of him, another shinigami was in his presence.

Rem.

This unsettled Light for a number of reasons. The most prominent one being that Rem was supposed to be dead! He had seen her turn to dust right in front of him. Also, he was under the impression that once shinigami die, there wasn’t any kind of shinigami heaven. He thought they just ceased to exist! Also, Rem was never one of his biggest fans. She had made her distaste for the brunette teen quite clear. And especially after he had just made Misa upset…what? Did she come back from nothingness somehow to kill him?

“So, great. Now i’m hallucinating dead shinigami.” Light commented sourly. Maybe, becoming Kira had finally made him go mad. 

“Ha! Told you he’d be surprised.” Ryuk chortled.

Light glanced between the two shinigami, waiting for some sort of explanation. When it became clear that they weren’t about to offer one, Light supposed he’d have to ask. Much to his annoyance.

“Didn’t you die? I thought once shinigami die, they can’t ever come back?” Light questioned.

“That is precisely what you were hoping for, isn’t it Light Yagami?” Rem finally spoke. “While that is normally true, i was pardoned from that fate.”

“Why?” Light demanded, now just who would want to save Rem?

“Well, this little ‘Kira” game has become quite a popular topic in the shinigami realm.” Rem explained. “For us, watching your world is like reality television. And many shinigami were displeased with my death. Including the King. So, out of boredom, he created the death eraser. The death eraser is just how it sounds, it brings back anyone dead. So he simply wrote my name down in the Death Note and erased it, bringing me back.”

*What is it with shinigami being bored and deciding to wreak havoc on my life?* Light wondered, annoyed. *If they’re so bored can’t they just pick up an innocent hobby? Like knitting or learning how to ride a bike?* He almost laughed after the thought of Ryuk clumsily riding a bike flashed through his mind.

“Well, that’s good.” Light said awkwardly. “No hard feelings?”

Rem hatefully glared at him. “You tried to orchestrate my death!” She said, indignantly. “But unfortunately, I cannot kill you, for I have had my killing and Death Note privileges revoked.”

Light silently cheered. *Ha, big bad Rem isn’t so scary anymore.* He taunted in his head. However, he did not dare say this aloud. Rem still terrified him.

“Yeah, the king really didn’t like it when Rem sacrificed herself for Misa.” Ryuk informed him.

“Therefore, Light Yagami,” Rem continued. “I can no longer write down any names or kill anyone for the next five hundred years.” The Death God told him bitterly.

“Well, you want to tell me any names?” Light stupidly asked.

Rem bared her teeth.

“Fine! Fine, sorry i asked.” Light huffed, oh well. It was worth a shot. Now he had two equally unhelpful shinigami at his disposal. What good would that do?

“So…why are you here?” Light questioned. 

“Well Rem couldn’t bear to see Misa distraught. So I told her we should come here again and watch you get annoyed. It’s really funny how everyone hates you.” Ryuk chuckled.

Light just simply glared. “Oh yeah, real funny. I can barely stop myself from laughing! Geniuses are never appreciated in their time, anyways.” Light informed Ryuk haughtily. Oh how he hated being bullied by demons.

The two shinigami just stared at him.

“Oh yeah, and watching you act gay is pretty hysterical as well.” Ryuk added.

Light gasped, not being able to help himself. “You told her?” Light demanded.

“Not Misa, just Rem!” Ryuk defended himself, as if that made it better! Rem’s fiery glare somehow intensified.

*Perfect!* Light was pissed. *So now even Rem knows? This cannot be real.* He tried to pinch himself, but unfortunately found that he was indeed awake.

“And I think it’s disgusting and immoral.” Rem told him, most unhelpfully. “Not like I couldn’t see this coming from lightyears away. But now I know you will undoubtedly hurt Misa, it would not do for her to be trapped in a loveless marriage with a homosexual! Not to mention, adultery is frowned upon in any culture! Human or otherwise.” 

“Oh yeah, Light-o. The tide has somewhat turned against you in the shinigami realm. Now most of them hate everyone except for Matt.” Ryuk informed him, much to Light’s dismay.

“What?” Light shouted, ignoring Rem’s comments. Because he didn’t give a rat’s ass what she thought of him. Especially now that she couldn’t kill him. But learning that shinigami, literal Death Gods who he had never even met, now hated him? Well today was just not Light’s day. “That’s ridiculous! Who could hate me? I get everyone else, but why me? And if they hate it so much, why don’t they stop spying on my life?” He said, haughtily. “Also Matt sucks!"

“Its exactly because of that! They don’t like your ego.” Rem snottily told him.

“Plus it’s like hate-watching the Kardashians. You hate everything about it, but boy is it sure entertaining!” Ryuk added.

“Ryuk, stop making pop culture references, go read a history book!” Light told him nastily.

“Light-o you realize i’ve been alive for all of history right? So why would I read about it when I can literally just remember the civil war?” Ryuk told him.

“Well, maybe just go learn some math problems then.” Light muttered, annoyed at being outsmarted by Ryuk of all people. 

Light seethed to himself for a few moments. But then, he remebered his plans and decided to forgo his annoyance. He looked at the two demons and smiled.

“Ryuk, I’m actually glad you’re here. I have a plan.” Light told him sinisterly.

“Not another one!” Rem growled.

Light simply ignored her.

“Yeah, your last one didn’t end too well.” Ryuk chimed in.

“Did too!” Light argued. “Everyone, save for L, was fully convinced of my innocence. And i managed to frame Higuchi as well. I was safe for months! It’s only because of the dumb Death Note that i’m in this particular situation. But see, I have a new and brilliant way to escape this current predicament.” Light finished smugly.

Neither of the shinigami looked impressed.

But Light had been plotting all day for this opportunity. *Mello almost forced a confession out of myself earlier! And what if he tries that again? What if this time, we aren’t interrupted? So, the only way to continue my innocent facade with absolutely no chance of being discovered, is to forfeit ownership of the Death Note.” Light was quite proud of his plan. 

However, as he explained it to the Gods of Death, they groaned.

“Not this again.” Ryuk complained. "I don’t want to go back to the shinigami realm, it’s apple season right now dammit!”

“And being trapped with Higuchi was unbearable!” Rem added. “The man ate raw onions and cried when he masturbated to pictures of his dog for crying out loud!”

Light shuddered. He could’ve gone his whole life without knowing that.

“But listen.” Light tried to convince them. “If I become genuinely innocent, Mello could not possibly think I was lying. And I’ll forget all about the Death Note, and how it works! He’ll be so confused, he’ll be forced to let me go. I’ll be completely useless, no help to him at all.” Light said, confidently. “My identity as Kira will definitely not be revealed, and I can escape!” 

Ryuk and Rem still looked less than impressed. 

“Listen though. This time i’ll make your living conditions easier. Rem, Misa still has your Death Note, so you’ll stay trapped with her! And Ryuk, you don’t have to go back! Just give the Death Note I have now, or rather your Death Note, to some other human! I don’t give a shit who, but make sure I can easily get it back from them once I need to regain my memories! Maybe a Kira supporter, oh that would be perfect. They would be most willing to follow my law. Plus, they would no doubt return the notebook if you explained my situation! And just manage to find an interesting human, I’m sure there are a few out there.” Light tried to persuade him. 

“What if i like the new Kira better.” Ryuk challenged him.

“You won’t.” Light stated flatly. No one could be a better Kira than him! Just look at Higuchi and Misa. 

“….Well where is your Death Note anyways?” Ryuk finally asked.

“In my desk drawer, back at Misa’s apartment. She’ll show you where. And give her these instructions as well.” Light told him. “Make sure she knows who the new Kira is, so she can make sure they’re following the plan.”

“Fine.” Ryuk huffed. “The new Kira better feed me a ton of apples!”

Light ignored him. “And when i say, ‘get rid of it.’ That means I want to forfeit the Death Note. No matter when or where I say it!”

“Yeah, yeah I know geez.” Ryuk grumbled. “If this plan sucks as much as your last one, I’ll definitely tell Misa you’re gay!” 

Light did not like being threatened. Suddenly, a flash of red caught his eyes. A very malicious and childish thought came to him. 

“Of course, Ryuk, whatever you say!” Light told him, cheerfully. “You are so smart and powerful to be doing this for me! You really are an awesome friend Ryuk. And I just remembered, there’s a few slices of apples on the floor over there. I didn’t want them, so help yourself!” He tilted his head towards the old tomatoes, trying to not evilly chuckle. This would teach that loud mouthed shinigami!

“Really?” Ryuk was shocked that Light was actually being quite peasant to him, for once. “Thanks Light! Maybe you aren’t so bad!” Ryuk quickly floated towards the ‘apple’ slices. 

Rem looked at the tomatoes. She either thought they were apples too, or didn’t care to say anything.

Ryuk quickly gobbled up the old tomatoes. After a moment, he gagged and started vomitiing. He made the most awful gagging noises. Light hadn’t expected that to happen! But, it was even more amusing than he imagined. He began to laugh, uncontrollably.

“Serves you right!” He told him smugly, through giggles.

Even Rem looked amused, and let out a few laughs of her own.

Ryuk, turned and glared at the both of them. “You guys are the worst! God, what the hell was that?” He shuddered. “Now i’m gonna have nightmares! How dare you fool me about apples!”

Just then Mello burst through the door, looking extremely annoyed.

“What the hell is so fucking funny?” he demanded.

Light realized that he was still laughing like a madman.

Mark walked in behind him. He was carrying an apple, and Ryuk suddenly lit up. All previous grievances forgotten. 

Ryuk seemed to have a rather disturbing lapse in judgment, as he suddenly flew over and plucked the apple out of the henchman’s hand. He devoured it in one bite. This was enough to get Light to quickly fall silent.

*Ryuk, you absolute buffoon! Curse your apple addiction!* Light silently rebuked the demon. He just hoped Mark was somehow stupid enough to not realize what had just happened. 

Unfortunately, Mark was not as stupid as Light had hoped. “What the hell? Boss…my apple just disappeared!” He cried out, alarmed.

“Oops.” Ryuk said, apologetically. “Forgot other people can’t exactly see me.”

Light seethed.

Mello stared at the henchman. “Maybe, because you just ate it?” He condescendingly asked.

“No! No, i swear it was in my hand one moment, gone the next! Oh boy, what if it was one of those shining origami we read about in L’s file!” He wailed.

“Shining origami?” Rem asked, indignantly.

Mark then fell to his knees. “Forgive me, Mr. shining origami! Please forgive me of all of my sins! Like, that one time I dropped Mello’s toothbrush in the toilet and didn’t tell him! Spare me!” He cried out.

“What?!? You did what?” Mello screamed.

“Not now!” Mark fearfully told him. “Confess your sins, before he steals your soul or kills you!”

“I’m catholic.” Mello snorted. “That’s not how this works….although.” He looked around the room curiously. “If there really is a shinigami here, i ask that you give me a Death Note.”

Ryuk and Rem just looked at each other.

After a few moments, when nothing had happened, Mello sighed loudly.

“Mark you idiot! I can’t believe I fell for that. Obviously, there are no shinigami here! Next time pay attention to your food consumption!”

Mark still looked fearful, but resignedly said “Yes boss.”

Mello then remembered something. “Wait, what happened to my toothbrush?”

Mark then hastily ran out the door.

Mello ran his hands through his hair. He was extremely annoyed, more so than usual. He then turned his annoyance over to Light.

“I’ll ask you again. What. Was. So. Funny?” He asked him dangerously, “I could hear you all the way down the hallway!”

Light gulped, and squirmed slightly. “Oh umm..I just remembered something funny-“ He quickly tried to come up with a funny story, but then realized this would be the perfect opportunity to get rid of the Death Note! “I just remembered when my sister brought home the class pet! My mother was so annoyed, she told her to ‘get rid of it.’” Light directed his last words to the shinigami, looking at him as he’d said it.

“Just how is that funny?” Mello demanded.

“Oh I uh, guess you just had to be there?” Light offered, weakly.

“See ya, I guess. Light…you better know what you’re doing.” The shinigami muttered, flying away. Rem quickly followed, before shooting another glare at Light.

“Whatever.” Mello dismissed him. “Now, I think it would be the perfect time to resume our little Kira interrogation from earlier….” 

Mello suddenly stopped talking, as he realized Light had passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and review! Also, no I do not own death note and NO I am making no $$$ from this teehee:)) Light has once again lost his memories....ah that'll be quite confusing for him when he comes to. Stayed tuned for the next chapter!


	14. Do you really not know who I am?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now Light's without his memories once again! Ahh can you imagine waking up for a second time kidnapped and having to figure out where you are all over again? And poor Mello doesn't understand, he thinks Light's either having a breakdown or suffered a head injury. Also, Mello being Kira? Whack. Anyway, enjoy Light's confusion and Mello's aggravation;)

“Light? Hello? Night Light? …Ratio?” Mello tried to shake the brunette teen awake, with little success. Had he really laughed so hard about a rabbit story that he had passed out?

*This kidnapping just keeps getting weirder and weirder.* Mello thought sullenly. *How hard is it to be worried that your son and co-worker is being held hostage by a bunch of Mafia members? Most normal people would simply hand over the Death Note and be done with this! It was only supposed to take a few day, for fucks sake!"

Light felt a huge headache coming on, and someone violently shaking him. “Light?” At the mention of his name, Light groggily opened his eyes. The person shaking him was a strange blonde. *Misa..?* He wondered, confused. This didn’t look much like Misa, maybe he had hit his head?

“Misa?” he questioned.

The blonde looked outraged at that question. “I’m not Misa! How could you ever compare me to that…idiot who probably has the iq of a patch of old sand?"

*Okay, so definitely not Misa.* This blonde was way too male sounding. As he tried to rub his eyes, he soon realized he was tied up. A strange man was yelling at him, and he was bound to a chair in an unfamiliar location. Light quickly jolted up, panic over his current situation finally setting in. “Who the hell are you? How do you know my name?” He demanded.

Now the blonde looked quite put out by this statement. “Is this some kind of joke? Are you still mad about the Mcdonalds?” He demanded. 

“Who’s Mcdonald?” Light asked. “Where am I anyways?"

The strange man continued to stare at him, looking utterly confused. “I thought you knew you were in California…” He trailed off awkwardly.

“Why would I know that? Did you kidnap me?” Light demanded fearfully. 

“Uhhhhh… yeah?” The blonde told him, as if it should be obvious. 

“Oh GOD!” Light suddenly wailed. “Please, please don’t kill me! I’ll give you anything! My…my family has money! Oh please, I’m too pretty to die!” Light then started to hyperventilate. 

Mello only had one thought running through his mind *The fuck?* Hadn’t they already established Light was kidnapped yesterday? Why was Light acting like he had no idea who Mello was? *Does he have dementia? I thought only geezers were affected by that!*

“Do you really not know who I am?” Mello asked.

Light stopped his panicking to glare at his kidnapper. “Obviously not!” Light then seemed to stop breathing, and looked as if he’d just seen a ghost. 

“FUCK!” He screamed, startling even Mello. “You’re Kira aren’t you? You’re gonna kill me because I’m working with L. Please Kira, I wasn’t really working with him. I just uh, visited my father at work sometimes?” Light unconvincingly tried to reassure who he thought was surely Kira. 

Mello gaped. “You?? You think… I’m KIRA?” Mello sputtered.

Light just stared back, fearfully. “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think your ideology is totally wrong.” He meekly offered.

Mello glared back, fed up with these games. “I’m not Kira! I’m Mello, remember? Mello! M.E.L.L.O!"

Light stopped panicking, and seemed to slightly relax. “Well if you’re not Kira, why would you kidnap me?”

Mello scowled. “We’ve been over this.”

Light glared at him, seemingly forgetting his previous fear. “Well obviously not! Since I don’t remember.” Light snottily informed him. 

Mello pinched the bridge of his nose. “You’re here because we are trying to negotiate the Death Note for your safe return!” He growled. “Sound familiar?”

Light was utterly confused. “Is this some kind of prank? What the hell is a ‘Death Note?’ Is that code for drugs?” He asked, more and more lost by the moment. 

Mello felt as if he was talking to a wall. Obviously Light knew what the Death Note was! He was fucking Kira!

“You know what i’m talking about!”

“No, i obviously don’t. Now untie me! Right now, my father is the head of the NPA.” Light told him smugly.

“Yeah i know! That’s the whole point of this kidnapping, genius!” Mello shouted.

“You want to, ransom my dad?” Light asked.

“Ding, ding ding! Finally he remembers!” Mello said, condescendingly.

Light scowled, he did not like being talked down to! Especially by strange men who wore way too much leather. 

“Well does my father know i have been kidnapped?” Light asked.

“Obviously!” Mello snapped. Did Light suddenly turn part stupid? They had just had that conversation with the task force only a few hours ago!

“Well, when will i be released into his care?” Light asked.

“Not this again! You won’t, not until he makes payment.” Mello angrily reminded him. 

“Well, have you told him how much the payment is.”

“Yes!” Mello rolled his eyes. “He knows all to well what the payment is.”

Light scowled, why wasn’t he getting a straight answer for when he could leave? His ass stung from sitting way to long in this uncomfortable wooden chair. “So, when is he going to make the payment? Did he say?”

Mello raised his eyebrow, “He’s not…” He slowly trailed off.

Light was dumbfounded. “Does he know i’m in danger?”

“Yeah..” Mello awkwardly told him.

“So, then why won’t he pay you! Or at least track my location?” Light ranted, “It’s so exhausting always having to be the smart one!”

“They, uh, don’t really seem to mind if you stay here.” Mello tried to explain it to him again.

“Of course they would! My father loves me!” Light told him indignantly. “If he knew i was kidnapped and in danger, he would do everything in his power to come and find me! Now i demand to speak with him this instant.”

“Fine!” Mello snapped, perhaps his father could somehow get through to his dim-witted son. “Matty, get in here!” He suddenly screamed. “And bring the livestream!”

Soon enough, a redhead who was apparently ‘Matty’, walked into the room holding a laptop.

“What’s going on now?” 'Matty' questioned.

“Light, one of the brightest student in Japan, somehow forgot why he was kidnapped!” Mello glowered at him.

“Like he..forgot, forgot? Did he hit his head?” The redhead questioned.

“I didn’t forget! I just woke up, forgive me for not coming to the immediate conclusion that i’ve been kidnapped by thugs in some ransom attempt.” Light defended himself.

The redhead stared at him, quite confused.

“See what I mean.” Mello sourly replied.

As the phone rang, Light only hoped that it was somehow untrue that Soirchiro hadn’t wanted him to come home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and review! Also, no I do not own death note and NO I am making no $$$ from this teehee:)) Also, I'm sure cannonly Light would remember that he was kidnapped and just not the reason why but...eh, this was funnier. Also, Ryuk says if Light forfeits ownership Ryuk erases all memories of the Death Note. So, even though they've caught Higuchi already and everyone knows what the Death Note is now, Light has forgotten again.


	15. He must be traumatized

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to 'Little Dark Age' while posting this chapter, fun fact;) That song just goes so well with Death Note omg...but anyways, new chapter! The task force is back and they're more confused then ever. And L is so concerned with Light's amnesia, he even starts to become more serious about Light's return. This is one of my favorite chapters tbh, I just love writing the whole silliness of it all. I hope you all enjoy it too!

“What is it now, Light?” His father sounded annoyed. Light frowned.

“Dad..? I.. oh God I’ve been kidnapped! Please, help!” Light begged pitifully. 

“Not this again!” From the look of the security footage, his father looked..annoyed? Why would he be annoyed at Light for being kidnapped! “If this is an attempt to make me feel guilty son, we already know your not in grave danger.”

“Yes I am! These strange men kidnapped me! They might kill me!” Light shouted. Why wasn’t his father more alarmed?

“L has already told us that he knows you won’t be harmed, so that’s not going to work on me young man.” His father informed him sternly. 

“Well, how on earth would L know?” Light demanded. L was so smug, thinking he could read kidnapper’s minds. Obviously, these people were going to harm him if his father continued to hold out.

“Apparently, L knows these people.” Soirchiro told him.

Light felt his blood simmer. “Of course L would be friends with kidnappers.” He spat bitterly. “I want to talk to him this instant!”

“L is…not available right now, Light.” His father said.

“What? How can he not be available? Tell him to pull his face out of the current sheet cake he’s devouring and help me this instant!” Light demanded. The nerve of L! Sure he could solve any case he wanted. But when Light was missing, suddenly he was ‘unavailable’?”

Soirchiro threw his hands up. “Fine i’ll call him! But when he gets mad, I’m putting the full blame on you!”

Light just scowled. *Why does my dad need to call L?* He idly wondered.

“This better be good Mr. Yagami, L is not in an agreeable mood at the moment.” Watari spoke from the phone. 

“Oh it’s just Light, being petulant and demanding to speak to L about his ‘kidnapping’. His father sighed.

Light seethed. Why did his father put kidnapping in air quotes, did he not believe he was actually missing?

“Oh joy.” Watari sighed. “Although, maybe yelling at Light would help L to get out some of his frustrations..” The butler mused.

Light glowered. If anyone was to be yelling, it would be him dammit!

“What does Light-kun want now?” L’s sullen voice came from the phone. 

“L, I can’t believe your friends would kidnap me! What kind of company do you keep?” Light snapped

“That’s just Mello being Mello. Ignore him Light-kun, he will not be getting the type of payment he desires.” L informed him. “And i’ve already assured you that he will not harm you, try to think of it as a vacation.”

Light was now extremely pissed off. Why did no one care that he was stranded in America with two potentially dangerous men? Even if L was telling the truth about them not harming him. How could he think of being tied up in a chair as ‘vacation’? L was so inconsiderate!

“A vacation?!?” Light sputtered. “I’m sitting here, tied to a wooden chair! On what planet is this considered a vacation? L, I don’t care if you’re still mad at me for punching you! Kidnapping is still illegal! Now come save me!” Light raged. “And I don’t care about the payment. If everyone is suddenly going to act like such a cheapskate, i’ll take whatever the ransom is out of my savings! Just get me the hell out of here!”

“….The ransom isn’t money, Light-kun.” L said very slowly.

“Well then what is it? Surely, you being the greatest detective in the world, could somehow acquire whatever ransom they want!” Light snapped

“You were here for the same conversation I was.” L suddenly snapped. “They want the Death Note, which you know we cannot give away.”

“That again? What the hell are you talking about L, what ‘Death Note’? Is that code for something? Whatever it is, i’m sure it’s not impossible to acquire!” Light shouted.

Then, a long period of silence carried out.

“What are you talking about Light-kun? You know what the Death Note is!” L said, sounding very confused.

“No, I don’t. Is that code for your stupid candy?” Light scowled.

“Hehe, and people say i’m dumb!” Matsuda chuckled.

“You are.” Aizawa retorted.

“The Death Note is the notebook that Kira uses to write down the names of victims to kill them Light. Surely, you remember that!” L groaned. 

Light felt like he was going crazy. Were they seriously trying to make him believe that a journal was how the ruthless Kira killed his victims? The thought was so absurd, Light couldn’t help but start laughing.

Everyone looked completely disturbed as Light continued to cackle like a maniac.

“Oh wow,” Light finally uttered, his laughter subsiding. “Okay guys great joke! Seriously I get it, I’m laughing. Is this like an episode for a prank television show?” When no one answered him, Light continued. “Seriously, you guys got me. Great job. A notebook that kills people, a little out there, but I guess in some twisted way its funny. Pretending to kidnap me wasn’t as funny, but I appreciate all of the work you guys put into this. Now, can someone please untie me?”

“Light, this isn’t a prank.” Soichiro informed him, sounding uneasy.

Light suddenly felt panic rising up his throat. Just why the hell was no one releasing him?

“What, are you guys trying to put me in a nuthouse? Because I won’t admit to being Kira? That’s so messed up. Come on, it really isn’t funny!” Light cried.

“Light-kun, have you recently suffered a head injury?” L asked.

“No I haven’t hit my head. Dammit, why does everyone keep asking me that! I just want to be untied!” Light shouted.

“Get ahold of yourself Light, we just talked a few hours ago and you seemed fine.” Aizawa informed him, sounding uneasy.

Light horrifying couldn’t recall any conversation like this ever happening! They had to be lying to him, right? Surely he would remember a conversation that involved him being kidnapped!

“What are you guys talking about? I just barely woke up from being kidnapped. I wasn’t even awake a few hours before!” Light pleaded, hoping someone would finally believe him.

“You seemed awake and perfectly fine when we last talked.” Soirchiro informed him.

“But…” Light trailed off, as he embarrassingly burst into tears. He couldn’t help it, this was way too much! Why did no one want to come and save him?

“Light!” His dad sounded embarrassed. “Stop bawling this instant, you are a full grown man for the love of God!”

“Light-kun?” Even now, L sounded extremely worried.

But Light continued to cry, seemingly having no more control over his actions. He was simply terrified! He didn’t want to stay kidnapped. 

“Mello, what on earth did you do to him?” L sighed.

‘Nothing!” He defended himself. “After the phone call, I left him in a room alone for a few hours. When I came back he was laughing about a rabbit, and then he passed out! For some reason when he came to, he didn’t remember anything! He thought he was being kidnapped for the first time, he didn’t even remember my name!”

“Did the Mcdonalds really mess him up that much…?” Matt whispered, horrorstruck. 

“Is Light really on drugs?” Matsuda asked fearfully.

“No dammit!” Light cried out. “I just want someone to save me!” He said, through tears. Maybe if they heard how clearly distressed he was, they would take pity on him and come to the rescue.

“This is not good.” L declared. “Mello, did you by chance try out your ‘special’ interrogation technique on him?”

Mello suddenly paled and gulped. Light had consented! *Did a little kissing and touching really make him have a psychotic break?* He wondered, worriedly.

“Maybe.” He mumbled, guiltily.

“Dammit!” L cursed. “Way to go Mello, now he’s hysterical! You really just had to go there, didn’t you? Now he’s traumatized!” L scolded.

“Hey, I didn’t know that he would go completely off the deep end!” Mello defended himself. “I wasn’t even that rough with him…” He quietly added. 

“Excuse me, just what the hell is this special interrogation technique?” Soichrio demanded.

“Oh, I really don’t know if that’s appropriate to disclose…” L told him. 

“Did he give my son a lobotomy?” The chief yelled, outraged.

“No!” Mello indignantly shouted.

“They probably electrocuted him first..” Aizawa said, in horror.

“I did not electrocute him!” Mello screamed, angry that all the blame was suddenly pushed on to him. “All i did was kiss him!” He hastily shouted. “And..maybe gave him a tiny hand job…” He mumbled.

The task force all suddenly gaped. Even Light was shocked into silence, before he promptly started hyperventilating. It was almost too ridiculous for him to believe. He wasn’t some helpless, frail creature. He was a genius! How could he not remember being…touched?

“Oh God, I was molested?” He shrieked.

“No! You consented!” Mello tried to calm him down, by placing a hand on his shoulder. This small movement freaked Light out too much. So much so, that he violently jerked away. This, unfortunately, led to him falling over on to the floor. This only increased his panicked breathing tenfold, as he let out a rather loud scream of pain. He quickly felt his left cheek throb from where it had crashed into the floor.

“What the hell happened now!” L demanded, hearing the large crash and heavy sobs increase.

“He just fell over, it’s fine! Matt help me lift him.” Mello ordered as they lifted the chair back up, Light began to start shrieking. 

“Don’t touch me!!” He shouted.

“Good Lord, what the hell are you doing to him?” Aizawa shouted.

“Nothing!” Mello screamed.

“What the hell kind of freakshow are you guys running over there, dammit?” The chief demanded. “I didn’t know that by kidnapping, you meant molesting my son! Oh sweet Jesus, now he’s going to have to get therapy! He’ll be lucky if he doesn’t get carted off to the nearest asylum. His grades, not to mention my entire family’s social lives will be ruined by this! Just who the hell do you think you are!” Soichrio ranted.

“I’m not crazy!” Light cried out indignantly. He was, unfortunately, all too aware of how he sounded like a raving lunatic at that moment. 

“I’m scared chief!” Matsuda, most unhelpfully, cried out.

“Everyone calm down!” L tried to soothe the conversation. Everyone promptly shut up, except for Light. He was still very heavily sobbing. 

“Light, I need you to stay calm for me.” L tried to calmly tell him. “Can you do that for me, please?"

Light tried desperately to calm himself, to try and regain some shred of dignity. Unfortunately, he could’t ease his panicked breathe.

“L, I know you think i’m Kira but please!” He whimpered out through ragged breathe, “Save me!”

L sighed. “Everyone, leave the room.” He ordered. “ I need to speak with Mello, privately.”

“Excuse me, I’m not leaving when my son is like this!” Soichrio exclaimed indignantly,

“Mr. Yagami!” L shouted, finally at his wits end. “I am trying to salvage this situation, and hopefully get Light out of this without being traumatized any further. Leave the room right this instant!”

That promptly silenced the chief, and any other objections that might have arose. Quickly, the task force left the room, leaving the two phones.

“L, look,” Mello started. “I really didn’t do anything.”

“Mello, this has gotten so far out of hand.” L sighed. ‘You have crossed so far past the line this time, I can’t even see the bloody line anymore!” He exclaimed. “I have never interfered with your life choices in the past. I always thought it best to allow you to make your own mistakes, and grow from them. But this-“ L raised his voice. “This is now effecting my work! And one of my most important cases!” He yelled. “Now, just what will it take to convince you to release Light-kun? And please, do not say the Death Note."

“But that was the whole point of this kidnapping! I won’t give up that easily!”

“Do you realize what you’ve done to this poor boy? He was already a victim to previous assault!” L dangerously hissed. At this, Light’s blood ran cold. 

“How could you? You promised you would never tell anyone!” Light gasped, outraged. He knew he shouldn’t have revealed his achilles to the untrustworthy man. He didn’t even remember why he though it would be a good idea to confide in L, of all people!

Mello looked as if he was going to be ill. His worst suspicions were just confirmed.

“Look, just give me the stupid fucking notebook and you can have Light.” Mello demanded. 

“Well, I already told you Mello, that you would not be able to get your hands on the Death Note no matter what.” L coldly informed him.

“Well then, it seems we’ve hit a wall.” Mello snapped.

“L please don’t leave me here.” Light whispered.

“Mello if you don’t hand over Light right this instant, i’ll-“

“Well, I won’t hand him over until I have the Death Note clutched firmly between my hands!” Mello shouted, before promptly hanging up.

“Mello, hello? Hello? Fuck!” L loudly swore.

Hearing the lack of noise, the task force reentered.

“What happened?” The chief demanded.

“He hung up. It seems he won’t give us back Light unless we give him the Death Note. Mello has decided to go about this the hard way.” L informed them.

“Well, what the hell are we supposed to do now!” Soichiro demanded. “My son is crying like a damsel in distress! This might just ruin him! This is so disappointing, he was going to be a detective!” Soichrio raged, bitterly.

“Well we have no choice.” L stated. “I’m just going to have to find Mello myself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and review! Also, no I do not own death note and NO I am making no $$$ from this teehee:)) Will Light ever escape? Is he truly traumatized? Will L break him out of jail? Will Mello ever figure out what's gone wrong? Stay tuned to find out


	16. Seducing Mello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Light realizes that he's on his own, and creates an ingenious plan known as 'seducing Mello.' Yeahhh...nothing could go wrong here-_-
> 
> Light be like 'I hope this doesn't awaken something in me!* ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> Also another smut warning! It's at the very end so it's easy to skip if you'd like:)

Light realized in horror that his only lifeline had just been cut off! Now he was definitely going to be killed, as he had angered this violent man.

After hearing the last few remarks from the task force, Mello laughed nervously. “As if they could find me.” He said challengingly. Although, he sounded less than confident.

“Call them back!” Light sniffled.

“Light listen, you’re fine! You don’t need stupid L, I swear that i didn’t mean to hurt you!”

“That’s funny, because you were the one who kidnapped me, asshole!” Light shouted. 

“Mello at least untie him, Jesus Christ this is just disturbing. After all, he doesn’t look like he’s in the mood to attack anyone, anyways.” Matt stated awkwardly, before exiting the room. He didn’t know about Mello, but he was getting the hell out of dodge! *I sure as hell don’t wanna be present for when L storms this place!* He thought worriedly. 

Mello glared at Matt’s retreating form, before sighing. He begrudgingly started to remove the bonds that held Light to the chair. 

“Try anything funny, and i’ll definitely kill you.” He threatened, half heartedly.

Light was barely listening, still very much experiencing his panic attack. He quickly tried to think of a way out of this situation. He’d simply call the police when he escaped. If the task force weren’t going to help him, the police surely would. Because, well this was just illegal! Did no one care about that very important fact?

*As long as i’m untied, I have a better chance of escaping!* He thought. *If I can somehow gain Mello’s trust, he’ll somehow get sloppy. And then, when his guard is down, i’ll escape!* He was very satisfied with his plan. Unfortunately, he realized he’d have to act friendly towards to blonde kidnapper. He inwardly scowled. He was not looking forward to that. 

Light’s hands ached as soon as Mello freed them from the handcuffs. He flexed them, trying to get the annoying pins and needles feeling to go away.

Mello warily stared at him as Light arose from the chair. The first thing he did was go over and flop down onto the expensive looking leather couch. As he sunk down into the comfortable cushions, he audibly sighed. His back ached!

Mello sat down next to him, still very concerned. “Are you doing better now?” He asked, hesitantly.

As Light sat, stoic, Mello was convinced that he was now giving him the silent treatment.

However, Light suddenly spoke. “Why do you want the Death Note anyway?” He asked tiredly.

Mello looked surprised at the question. “Well, it would make me the most powerful person in the world.” He told Light. “I mean, having the power to kill anyone? I would be unstoppable!”

“But you do realize that a killer notebook is a preposterous notion.” Light snapped.

Mello looked quite put out. “Stranger things have happened.” He sniffed indignantly. 

“Well, obviously, no such thing exists. The task force and L surely made it up to keep Kira’s real weapon a secret!” Light informed him. Being a genius, there was no way he would believe in the Death Note. He believed logic and cold hard facts. Such a ridiculous thing couldn’t possibly exist. 

Mello paled, he hadn’t even considered that! “You think?” He asked, feeling foolish.

“I know.” Light told him confidently. “They’re going to act like they finally want me back, and give you the Death Note. It’s a trick. Because they can’t just have anyone figuring out how Kira kills. No, they designed the idea of the ‘Death Note’ to keep people like you from figuring out Kira’s real tricks.”

“So it’s reverse psychology!” Mello yelled, outraged. He couldn’t believe he had allowed himself to be so utterly and completely tricked. He felt humiliated. L would surely pay for this. 

“Exactly!” Light told him sourly.

“Those bastards!” The blonde raged. “They think they can pull a fast one on me, is that it? Well, nobody makes a fool out of Mello and gets away with it! They will for sure pay for this!” A rather creepy smile slowly spread over his face as he suddenly got the best idea, like ever. 

Light stared back, uneasily. 

“A heist! That’s exactly what I should do! I’ll infiltrate Headquarters, and steal the real weapon myself! It’s brilliant.” Mello bragged. “I’ll finally have all of Kira’s secrets, and i’ll be able to trick L at the same time. Oh, this is just too good to be true!”

“That would never work!” Light told him, dumbfounded. He was just now realizing how impulsive the blonde’s plans were. “The security at Headquarters are top notch, and guards are there all the time. Plus, the task force never leaves. No, that’s a bad plan.” He scowled.

Mello glared harshly at Light, before dreadfully continuing. “That’s why your going to help me!”

“Help you?” Light sputtered. Like hell he was! Even though he wasn’t the biggest fan of the task force at the moment, he wasn’t about to betray justice. If he let Mello get ahold of a dangerous weapon and use it to commit crimes, he would never forgive himself. And this would not help cease L’s accusations of him being Kira. No, absolutely not. He was not getting dragged along on Mello’s ridiculous quest. Because, above everything else, this was just a stupid plan!

“You don’t have a choice.” Mello informed him nastily. “You’re my prisoner! You’ll do what i say, plus you have to help! You know Headquarters and the task force better than anyone. Between our combined smarts and my ability to commit crimes flawlessly, the plan couldn’t possibly fail!”

Light was about to protest even further, when he suddenly stopped. What was he thinking! He wanted to gain Mello’s trust, and this was the perfect way to do so. If he acted like the two were partners, Mello would absolutely not expect Light to escape. Then he will have lost his insider knowledge and his awful plan would inevitably crumble. 

*And then i’ll have to go into witness protection or something.* Light thought sourly. *He’ll be pissed and want to kidnap me again! Maybe even kill me! And that will never happen. I will never go through something as ridiculous as this ever again.* Light swore that he would lock himself into his room and never come out again. Light Yagami did not get kidnapped! Except, for this one time. He was still very confused on how he had allowed himself to be kidnapped. *I must just be stressed out over college and the Kira case.* Light tried to reassure his ego. This was most definitely a one time mistake. 

So Light allowed himself to be flattered. “You really think i’m that smart?” He asked sweetly.

Mello nodded passionatley and Light had to stop himself from smirking. Oh, this was going to be too easy.

“Of course I do!” Mello told him. “This will be the best heist of all time. And, you hate those guys anyway, right? This would be like, a total middle finger to them. You just have to help me.”

Light was, admittedly, very pleased at that prospect. If he didn’t have such a strong moral compass, he would of undoubtedly gone along with Mello’s plan solely for that reason.

“This will show L! And my father! They deserve to be double crossed for not saving me.” Light agreed with Mello angrily. “Fine, i’m in.”

Mello looked extremely pleased. “Let’s shake on it.”

As Light grasped Mello’s outstretched hand, he was suddenly pulled forwards towards the blonde’s face. Mello eyed him hungrily. Light gulped, just what the hell did Mello want now!

“Did you really think you were molested?” He questioned Light.

Light barely stopped himself from glaring. Not this again! “Uh, I don’t know?” He responded honestly “I don’t remember being molested.”

Mello looked at him skeptically. “Well you were conscious, and you consented.” He informed him. “And, at least to me, it looked like you quite enjoyed yourself.”

Light felt himself turning red. He wasn’t gay! And he doubted he was conscious, if he was he must of blocked that horrid memory out. He didn’t remember that, not one bit. *If I did consent, I must have been under duress.* He tried to convince himself. But, he found much to his great horror, he was actually staring a Mello’s lips. He suddenly had the odd urge to kiss the blonde man. Did he suddenly have stolckholm syndrome? * I am one hundred and ten percent not gay!* He angrily told himself. *But…remember your ‘favorite' poster of Brad Pitt?* His brain suddenly taunted him with a repressed childhood memory.

*However,* He tried to reason with himself. *Maybe I only want to kiss him to even further prove myself. Yes, that’s it. I only want to gain his trust even more. It’s not gay, it’s self preservation. God, i’m smart.* He applauded himself, very proud of his intelligence. 

With those thoughts in mind, Light smirked at Mello. “Well, even though i don’t remember it, i’m sure i very much enjoyed it.” He told him charmingly.

Mello looked very pleased before leaning in even closer. “Well, what would you say if I did it again?’ He questioned lowly.

“I’d let you, and i’d very much enjoy it.” Light told him, seductively. Once of his many talents was being able to seduce anyone he wanted. He was very grateful for his stunning good looks and spectacular acting skills. 

Mello wasted no time pressing his lips against Light’s. Light, unexpectedly moaned. *Why am I enjoying this?* He thought sourly.

Mellos skilled lips roughly ravaged the brunette. He then licked Light’s bottom lip, and suddenly bit down.

Light yelped, tasting blood. Mello took advantage of his open mouth to slip his tongue in. As their tongues battled for dominance, Mello pushed Light sharply back down onto the couch. His hands roughly grabbed his deep caramel locks, and angled Light’s mouth so he would be able to kiss him even harder.

Light hazily recognized the blonde tasted like chocolate. 

As Mello continued roughly making out with him, his hips started to roughly thrust against Light’s. Light, without even giving it a second thought, began thrusting back.

Light felt his body heat up rapidly. He cursed the barrier of fabric between them. The thrusting lead to both of their erections pressing up together, roughly. 

While this kissing was very pleasurable, Mello decided he wanted more from the brunette. Abruptly, he stood up. Light whined at the sudden loss of Mello’s mouth against his. 

Mello gazed down at Light, looking very flushed and aroused. Light suspected he looked the same.

“On your knees.” He ordered Light.

Light, very confused, quickly complied. Lust clouded his mind, making his body act before he could fully think about the consequences.

Light was now kneeling before the blonde. Looking up, he noticed the blonde was staring down at him expectedly.

“What?” He questioned, cluelessly. 

Mello rolled his eyes. “Are you gonna suck my dick or not?”

Light’s eyes widened very considerably and he blushed fiercely. Both at the crudeness of the expression and of the mere idea of it. He did not want another man’s penis in his mouth! How unsanitary. He cursed himself, however, as he realized he’d have to comply if he wanted to continue with his ‘seducing Mello’ plan.

Trying to swallow his pride, Light reached up to undo the blonde’s zipper. He noticed that he was wearing black skinny jeans. As he pulled down the pants, he then came into contact with his black boxers. They had a tiny little skull pattern all over. He could already see the man’s quite sizable length that was barely concealed by the thin fabric. 

Gulping discreetly, he tried to gather all of his courage for what he knew was undoubtedly next. *It won’t be that bad.* He tried to reassure himself. 

His eyes once again widened as the boxers were suddenly gone. Mello’s length was suddenly mere inches from his face. *He’s huge!* Light realized. *How the hell is that supposed to fit into my mouth?*

Tentatively taking his package into his hand, Light frowned. He had never even watched porn before! He knew the general idea of what he was supposed to do, but that wasn’t good enough. No, if Light was going to do this, he was going to do it efficiently. Light Yagami would always do everything the best!

“Uh… I’m not sure exactly what to do.” Light admitted, shamefully. He regretted being a good child, and never once venturing out into the world of porn.

Mello was quite annoyed. *Just what does a guy have to do to get a blow job around here?* He complained inside of his head. He was quite aroused, and wanted gratification as soon as possible.

“What do you mean?” He asked him. “You put it into your mouth and suck, it isn’t rocket science!”

Light blushed in annoyance. Mello didn’t have to be so condensing, the asshole! “Well i know that!” He haughtily replied. “But, obviously, I’ve never done this before! I was just wondering if there was a specific technique I should use.” 

Mello’s gaze, unexpectedly, softened. “Just follow your instincts.” He purred to Light. “I’m sure i’ll enjoy whatever you decide to do, kitten.”

Light gulped harshly. Why in the hell did that turn him on!

He closed his eyes and inched his mouth forward, not wanting to watch the lewd action he was about to perform. *Just a popsicle, just a popsicle!* He tried to convince himself.

He finally felt hot skin against his tongue. Mello let out a sharp gasp. 

*This isn’t too bad.* Light mused. Feeling braver, he proceeded to start taking Mello’s full length in his mouth, and start sucking. 

Mello thought that this was almost better than eating chocolate, almost. Even though the brunette had admitted inexperience, his hot and wet mouth was making Mello feel sinful feelings. 

Light, feeling confident because of Mello’s moans, decided to suck even harder. He began to run us tongue up and down Mello’s throbbing length.

“You’re such a good little cocksucker!” Mello groaned.

Mello then roughly grabbed the back of Light’s head and pulled him down onto his erection. Light gagged, caught quite off guard. This was all Mello needed, as he quickly released into Light’s mouth. He moaned obscenely.

*Now this is the fun part.* Light sullenly thought, as he realized he had no choice but to swallow the salty liquid inside of his mouth. Surprisingly, it also was slightly sweet, and didn’t taste the worst. Light quickly swallowed, and Mello pulled him in for another heated kiss.

As they parted, Mello reached over to whisper softly into Light’s ear.

“My room, now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and review! Also, no I do not own death note and NO I am making no $$$ from this teehee:)) So now they're going to break into headquarters! Sighhh...is this becoming a double agent, heist fanfic? I guess you'll have to stay tuned and find out...;)


	17. Touch me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh okay BIG warning, this chapter is pure smut ( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛) So if that turns you off, don't read any further haha. What can I say, they're both just having some fun. Also, I just wanted to mention that they are both of age in this fic. No underage seggz here, not in this house. they are both 18/19...which I know isn't cannon compliant with the timeline but...eh, we'll go with it anyway. Also, sorry for not updating in a hot minute. I've been furiously working on my other fic. It's L/Light and it's called 'Who Am I, And Who Are You?' It's really dark and, in my opinion, a much better write. This is more crack that's sometimes serious. Not to shamelessly self-promo, but if that ship interests you, I'd recommend checking it out:) Okay, that's all...enjoy this chapter!

As Mello led Light down the hallway, Light was slightly panicking. He hoped Mello didn’t intend to sleep with him! But, on the other hand, he disturbingly thought that it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Light scolded his traitorous brain.

*There is no way i’m going to go all the way with a man.* He resigned. *If he tries, i’ll just start crying! That’ll ruin in the mood! And if nothing else, I will just have to get on top. Because there is no way, that is going inside me!* He shuddered at the thought. That would just simply hurt.

But Light hated himself for even being the slightest bit curious. What would it feel like? *Nope! Not opening that pandora’s box. Because if i do like it, that definitely means i’m gay! Or at least,,,half gay? Bisexual?” Light had always prided himself on the fact of what he was certain was asexuality. He had never felt attraction before, and simply didn’t want to. He had been quite content being a genius instead. From all of his observations, lust made people weak. It made them act foolishly based on animalistic needs. Lust made people distracted, it made them stray away from their goals. Light had always been focused on being successful in life. *Of course, if I had ever wanted to partake in that certain activity, I would certainly be the best at it!* Light smugly told himself. But, he had thought he was stronger than that base need. He had only looked at sex as a scientific fact. As a way to procreate. As it was the man’s duty to get married to a proper women and have a few, perfect kids. But, he had always hated kids anyways. 

Light’s inner musing was the interrupted as Mello found open the door to what was apparently his bedroom. He led Light over to the bed and forcibly pushed him down. He then crawled on top of him and resumed kissing. 

Light quickly felt all rational thoughts leave his head, enamored by the feeling this simple action was giving him. He had of course kissed girls before in the past, but this was no chaste kiss. This was hot. And exciting. 

Mello continued pushing his lips roughly on to Light’s. As he massaged his lips and passionately frenched him, he started pulling off his band tee that Light was still wearing. Quickly removing his own shirt, he then leaned back down to nip at Light’s neck. 

Light moaned as Mello’s sinful mouth attacked his neck. He alternated from sucking and softly nipping his sensitive skin. He felt a burning sensation every time Mello’s mouth attacked his sensitive skin. He leaned up into Mello’s body, wanting more.

“Mello.” He panted. “More!”

The blonde man stopped his movements to look up at Light. “More, what?” He asked him, smirking.

Light blushed. “…touch me.” He whispered tentatively.

Mello trailed his hand down Light’s lean stomach, stopping right above his throbbing erection. “Where?” He questioned, faking cluelessness.

“Uh…you know..” Light murmured. “My uh…”

“Come on, say it.” Mello goaded him. “I’m sure i’d be more than willing to do whatever you request, so long as you ask nicely.”

Light was silent, before shamefully looking away. “My cock. Touch me there, please.” he whispered.

Mello then ripped off his boxers. And then, as if trying to tease Light to his physical limit, began stroking him as slowly as possible.

Light whimpered, and tried to jerk up into Mello’s hand to increase his pace. But Mello, infuriatingly, held down his hips as he continued to leave small kisses all over Light’s body.

“How do you feel?” Mello seductively questioned him.

“Horny.” Light confessed. “Please Mello, harder.”

“I love when you tell me to go harder.” Mello leaned in to growl at him. “Say it again.” He ordered.

“Please Mello, harder.” Light pleaded, his pride long gone.

“Good boy.” Mello praised, suddenly quickening his pace quite rapidly. This earned a sharp series of yelps and whimpers from Light. “You’re so good for me like this, so submissive.” Light felt as if his body was on fire. White hot arousal filled his veins as he turned into a shaking whimpering mess. Mello’s soft hand continued to quickly and roughly jerk his throbbing length. 

Mello then swiftly stopped and quickly pinned Light’s wrists above his head. Light made a small sound of indignation at being denied release. He tried to jerk his hips to make contact with something, but only thin air. 

“Did you like that?” Mello questioned him, seductively.

“I-yes.” Light admitted. “Please Mello I hate this! Please let me come!” Light whined like a petulant child. Oh, what he wouldn’t do for that amazing feeling to be returned to him.

“You wanna?” Mello asked.

“Yes please!” Light exclaimed, wondering just what Mello was playing at now.

“What if I told you I could make that, oh so sweet feeling, increase tenfold?” Mello asked him. “Would you like that?”

Light nodded, hardly taking in the words that were being spoken to him. 

“Then let me fuck you.” Mello offered.

Light froze, staring at Mello. It was all happening to fast. But oh, how he wanted to come. What a dilemma. His mind frantically searched for a reason to not go through with this. Unfortunately, he came up blank. *I actually want him to do that to me!* Light thought, oddly not being as put out by the thought as he should’ve been. 

Light stared back uncertainly. “Why can’t I be the one to…do that?” He asked, still uncertain of his final answer. He just wanted to come, for crying out loud!

Mello scoffed. “That’s not the way things work around here.” He informed Light, patiently. “You’re gonna be the bottom bitch, take it or leave it. But, I would take it…Believe me, I’ll have you screaming my name.”

Light hesitated. “Is that a good thing?” He asked.

Mello smiled at him. His bed partner was so naive! It was so endearing, and only made him want Light more. “Silly Light, that’s an excellent thing.” Mello told him.

“But, it’s gonna hurt.” Light weakly protested.

“Well, yeah. But that’s inevitable.” Mello convincingly argued. “And I promise, I’ll be gentle. Well, as gentle as I can be.” He smirked.

“Okay.” Light made his decision. He desperately hoped it wasn’t the wrong one. But his body was aching from all of the unreleased tension.

“Beg me.” Mello ordered him.

Light flushed, but complied anyways. “Please Mello…oh please! Please, have sex with me?”

“Fuck me. Say it.” Mello ordered.

Light’s ears burned. “That’s so embarrassing!” He squeaked.

Mello reached down to nip him warningly. “Light…” He drawled, dangerously.

“Ow! Ok, ok fine…please. Please, uh f-f-fuck me!” Light said hurriedly, still very self-conscious.

Mello purred, stroking his cheek. “You won’t regret this.” He promised him.

Mello then reached over to pull something out of a drawer. Light recognized one of the items being a condom. He blushed even harder. The other item was some sort of small bottle of liquid.

Mello then spread Light’s hips, make Light squeak. He averted his gaze, hoping the embarrassment would quickly subside.

He heard the sound of something being opened and a distinct squirting noise. Suddenly, he alarmingly felt something stiff, cold, and wet invade him. Alarmed, he looked back down at Mello.

“W-what the hell are you doing?” He protested weakly.

Mello looked confused. “Um, preparing you? I know you’re not very well versed in this certain area, but come on! I’m not gonna take you dry. Now that, that would hurt quite a lot.”

“But it hurts!” Light argued.

“It’s only one finger, don’t be such a drama queen!” Mello ordered. “Just sit back and relax. The more you tense up, the more it’s gonna hurt.”

So Light found himself laying back, desperately trying to pretend he didn’t have a finger up his ass. But soon, it actually started to feel quite pleasant. As his muscles continued to relax, Light let out a tiny moan.

Then suddenly, what he suspected was another finger, slipped inside of him. He yelped, but stayed quiet. *Soon, this one won’t feel so bad either.* He tried to convince himself. 

Mello’s skilled fingers moved inside of Light, now quite pleasurably. He scissored him inside of him, stretching him out. The digits scraped against Light’s inner skin. Making him moan pleasurably and involuntarily thrust back into Mello’s fingers. 

Then a third one entered and Light yelped louder. He felt too full. Now, the movements started to feel painful. 

“Mello stop! That hurts, i’m serious!” Light growled, painfully.

This earned him a sharp smack to his outer thigh, making Light yelp yet again.

“Shush!” Mello scolded him “Obviously, it hurts pet. It always does. But if you relax, it’ll feel fucking amazing. Go on, continue moaning. I’m almost done.” Mello whispered promisingly.

Light then, felt a sharp jolt of pleasure as Mello found a certain bundle of nerves. He whined severely.

“Fuck.” He whispered,

“Look what I found!” Mello smirked deviously.

Light didn’t know what he meant, but was too dazed by lust to care. He whimpered urgently. Now, not minding the finger’s he thrusted back all the harder. He wanted to feel that biting pleasure again!

Mello’s fingers moved wildly inside him, continuing to ever so often hit him right in that sweet spot. Light was panting, feeling his erection to continue to stiffen.

“I think you’re ready.” Mello murmured, pulling out his fingers.

Light whined in protest, before he saw what Mello was currently doing. He ripped the condom packet off with his teeth, and slowly rolled it on to his length. He then positioned himself in front of Light. 

Light suddenly felt panicked.

“Wait!” He squeaked.

Mello simply rolled his eyes, although not in a particularly mean way. 

“No matter how much I wait, it’s still gonna hurt.” Mello informed him. “But I’ll go slow, and I already prepared you with enough lube. It’s fine, relax.” He whispered, placatingly.

Light only nodded, resignedly. As he felt the tip of Mello’s cock enter him, he roughly grabbed on to Mello’s hand.

Mello just smirked, before slowly continuing into push in.

Light let out a strangled scream. Oh fuck, now that stung! All arousal he felt before, was quickly replaced with pain. He felt as if someone was impaling him with a hot knife. 

“Such a drama queen.” Mello murmured, amused. “Relax, tensing is gonna make it worse.”

“Mello! Oh fuck, it hurts! Please, make it stop!” Light whimpered, feeling a tear roll down his cheek. Now, just why had he thought this was a good idea again?

And then, at the worst moment, a previous memory again came to him. *I’m gonna bleed! No, not again!* He thought, severely scared.

Mello noticed Light had suddenly gone completely limp under him. Before he could question him, Light began squirming frantically.

“No! No, no no….” Light murmured, pushing his hands weakly against the other man’s chest.

Mello suddenly ceased all movement, worried that Light was having a flashback.

“Hey, hey.” He whispered, trying to sound comforting. He grabbed both of Light’s hands in one of his, while starting to stroke his cheek with the other. He then softly kissed Light.

Light tentatively kissed back, temporarily forgetting the pain. 

Mello pulled away to again speak. “I’m really not trying to hurt you. You trust me right? You’re okay.”

Light studied the other man’s soft gaze. Frightened amber eyes searched the other’s calming blue one’s.

Light, suddenly feeling better because of Mello's comforting words, nodded.

“Okay, keep going.” He said softly.

Mello kissed him again, and fully pushed in. 

Light gasped in pain, though it was muffled by Mello’s mouth over his. He felt way to full! And the stabbing sensation simply would not go away. Tears threatened to pour out.

“Mmph, Mello.” Light whimpered as Mello pulled away. “I feel like i’m being stabbed! How does anyone enjoy this?” He breathily proclaimed.

Mello tried not to laugh. Light was really overdramatic. “I know.” He chose to say instead. “It’ll feel awesome soon, I promise.” Grinning wickedly, Mello started stroking Light’s erection once again.

Light gasped, feeling arousal yet again. He whimpered and squirmed. The pressure in his backside still stung horribly, but he was now feeling a strange mix of pain and pleasure. And somehow he was enjoying it!

“Can I move now?” Mello asked, somewhat impatiently.

Light nodded, feeling brave. The pain was considerably subsiding.

Mello pulled slightly out and thrust into Light again. Light yelped in pain, but nodded at Mello to keeping going when he paused. Even though he was the bottom, he refused to be the bitch! He would see this through until the end. *I hope Mello’s right about this ‘feeling awesome’.* He gritted his teeth. He would be very mad if he came out of this experience unfulfilled.

Mello continued thrusting and his pace quickly quickened. Considering he was quite turned on as well. His cock suddenly brushed up against Light’s prostate and Light howled in pleasure.

“You like it now, huh?” Mello panted, smirking.

Light didn’t respond, but a slow smile of contentment spread across his face. The pain was now almost completely gone. As Mello’s cock went deeper inside of him, he realized that he actually loved the sensation. Lust clouded his mind yet again as he continued to let out rather loud moans. He slowly, but steadily, began to move his hips back into Mello. He desperately wanted more. The blonde then hooked Light’s legs around his waist, so he could drive into him even further.

Light feverishly cried out. “More, oh fuck! More! Harder!” He begged.

“You like that huh? Oh you’re such a slut for my cock aren’t you?” Light nodded. “Tell me, how much do you love it?

“Oh Mello, I love it so much. Fuck me.” Light breathily murmured.

“I thought that’s what I was doing, heh.” He commented, before delivering a particularly hard thrust. “You look so pretty like this. All strung out, flushed and moaning. Eyes all clouded with desire. My pretty little pet, all for me. You hear that Light? You’re mine. Your a slave for only my cock!” He grunted. “Who’s are you?” He demanded.

“Your’s!” Light squeaked, burying his head into the Mello’s shoulders.

“And don’t you-“‘ Grunt. “Forget it!” Pant “You take me so well Light, almost like you were made for me.” Mello moaned.

As Mello continued to deliciously pound into him, Light felt that familiar burning sensation gather at the bottom of his stomach. “Faster!” He cried. As Mello thrust harder and harder, Light felt so overstimulated he felt like he was going to burst. Time seemed to stop and he couldn’t stop shivering, even though he also felt burning hot.

“Ah! Mel….I..Mello- I’m gonna-“ Before he could finish his thought, he finally came undone. He cried out violently as the beautiful sensation over took him. 

“Mmmm come for me.” Mello growled, lustily watching as Light’s eyes rolled back into his head. He then quickly felt his own orgasam approaching. “F-Fuck Light you’re so- so good!” He moaned as he thrust into Light a few more times, violently. He then felt himself come undone. He bit down on Light’s shoulder, muffling his obscene moaning.

The pair just laid there for a few moments. Light struggled to regain his breath, basking in the afterglow. Mello smiled contentedly, before pressed a chaste kiss to the side of Light’s neck. Light could still feel Mello inside him, surprisingly not minding. 

Mello then finally pulled out of Light. The brunette cringed, already missing the contact. Mello then walked off to the bathroom. “Where’r you goin?” Light mumbled tiredly. Mello quickly reappeared, holding a washcloth. “Gotta clean you up.” He smirked.

Light blushed and looked away, too tired to tell the blonde that he could clean himself.

After they were both cleaned off, Mello returned to bed. Light, unthinkingly, pulled the blonde closer to him. Mello said nothing, but allowed it to happen. Light breathed a contented sigh as Mello stroked Light’s hair and pressed his nose into it.

“So, how was it?” Mello broke the silence. “It was fucking great, like i said huh?”

“S’was great.” Light mumbled, exhausted.

Mello only smiled, and pulled Light in for another kiss. 

When they broke apart, Light realized he simply couldn’t keep his eyes open. As he tried to fight oncoming sleep, Mello spoke again.

“Stay here tonight, I’m to tired to find you another bed.” He mumbled, before closing his eyes. He wrapped his arms around Light, pulling him close.

Light closed his eyes as well, as sleep overtook him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and review! Also, no I do not own death note and NO I am making no $$$ from this teehee:)) So what's gonna happen now?? Is Light still going to attempt to escape, or does he grow fond of Mello..? And what does this all mean for Mello? Wait for the next chap, to find out;)


	18. The (failed) escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another installment of the Strangest Kidnapping! And it only gets stranger;) On today's episode, Light tries to make his daring escape. And that goes about as well as you'd expect. This is more of a filler chapter until the really wild stuff happens. The next few chapters are pure crack, I can promise you that! I still laugh while reading them over. But, anyways, enjoy the awkwardness and slight fluff and the fact that Light doesn't have stockholm syndrome....yet
> 
> Oop also...smut warning...small smut warning...

Light woke up, surrounded by darkness and laying in a bed. He was pressed against a warm body. *Misa.” He thought, annoyed at the close proximity to his annoying partner. As he was about to rudely pull away, however, the events of the previous day came back to him.

He was then reminded of his stinging ass. “Oh that’s right. I’m in bed with a kidnapper who just took my ass virginity! Way to go Light, this is your most genius idea yet.” His subconscious rebuked him. *And this most definitely means i’m gay!* He thought sourly. He had enjoyed that whole experience way too much to deny his true sexuality any longer. All he was supposed to do was gain Mello’s trust, not climb into bed with him dammit!

Suddenly, his eyes lit up. Mello was still sleeping, dead to the world. This would be the perfect time to make his grand escape. Turning over ever so carefully, he glanced at the clock on the nightstand.

5:45 am, it read. Perfect! The atmosphere around him was so quiet, he could’ve probably heard a pin drop. He suspected everyone else was sleeping as well. No one would be in his way! *Mello didn’t even chain me to anything, the idiot.* Light thought smugly.

Light ever so carefully, managed to move away without waking the blonde. As he stood up he realized, embarrassingly, that he was still nude. He couldn’t make his great escape with no clothes! *I could never go outside naked, perish the thought!* He thought, worriedly. 

As he made his way over to the closet to try and blindly find some sort of clothes, the worst happened. He tripped, probably over shoes, and landed flat on his ass. A sharp pain shot through him as he tried to muffle his yelp of pain. *My poor ass.* Light thought miserably. This was going to do nothing to help the pain left over from the previous night.

He slowly looked over, silently praying his loud fall hadn’t been quite loud enough to wake his sleeping partner.

He had no such luck.

Mello was sitting up. Light couldn’t see his expression, but from the way Mello quickly stood up, he guessed he was angry.

*Great, back to the chair.* He thought, miserably. *Next time I have a chance to escape, if i ever have the chance again, i’m going no matter what. Naked or not.* He thought, angrily.

Mello flipped the light switch on. “What the hell is going on?” He demanded. Mello was definitely not a morning person. “I was sleeping!”

Light stared at him, trying to think up an excuse. His tired mind was not coming up with anything, much to his dismay.

Mello took a step forward. “You weren’t thinking of escaping, were you?” His eyes glinted dangerously. “Because that would be very naughty!”

“N-no!” Light violently shook his head. “I- I uh was, going to get a glass of water!” That sounded believable, right?

Mello just stared at him. “Wrong direction, unless my closet suddenly grew a fridge over night!” He snapped.

“Well, i didn’t wanna walk to your kitchen naked!” Light defended himself.

“Well, why didn’t you just get water from the sink in the bathroom?” Mello questioned him harshly.

“I don’t like tap water.” Light sniffed, it wasn’t necessarily a lie.

Mello just rolled his eyes, before stalking over and lifting Light off the floor. Light yelped, alarmed.

“I think you were trying to escape.” he told him softly. “I’ll have to punish you for this.”

Light paled. “I wasn’t!” He tried to insist. “Please, I don’t wanna sit in that chair again.” He whined.

“Oh don’t worry, i’m sure i can think of a different punishment.” Mello smirked dangerously, before grabbing Light’s wrist. He dragged the brunette over to the bed. Before Light could react, he promptly sat down and dragged Light over his lap.

Light felt his ears go red. Was he serious? How humiliating! Light was nineteen, a full grown adult.

“What the fuck?” Light demanded, his voice lightly shaking. “You going to spank me? You can’t do that! I’m an adult.”

Mello responded to him with a sharp smack over his bare backside. Light yelped.

“Oh I think most definitely can.” Mello informed him cheekily. “Naught brats who try to escape from their nice kidnapper’s home desperately need punishment of the capitol kind. Even your father hinted that you were well overdue for a spanking!”

Light froze, just when had his dad said that?

His thought process was quickly cut off by Mello again smacking him, twice! Light cried out very dramatically. It didn’t hurt that much, but his pride was severely wounded.

“I think an apology is in order.” Mello told him. “Well Light, what do you have to say for yourself?” 

Light gaped, indignantly. “I’m not going to apologize for trying to get a glass of water.

Mello again spanked him, slightly harder. “Wrong answer, you should be apologizing for so rudely waking me!”

When Light didn’t respond, childishly refusing to say sorry, Mello’s hand once again sharply landed on his ass. This continued for about five more hits, until Light had finally had enough. After Mello landed the final slap he snapped.

“Fine!” Light cried out. “I’m…sorry for waking you.” He muttered.

Mello once again spanked him. What the hell? He had just apologized!

“That didn’t sound very sincere!” Mello snarled. “Say, I am very sorry for rudely waking you, Mello!”

“Okay! I’m uh…very sorry for waking you Mello!” Light tried to say as genuinely as possible.

Thankfully, this seemed to appease him, as Mello stopped. He then propped Light up, so that he was sitting on Mello’s lap with his back leaning against his chest. The blonde then slowly rubbed Light’s back.

“There, now was that so hard? You’re much better when you’re behaving, Light.” Mello told him.

Light said nothing, instead choosing to lean into the other man’s touch. Now his ass hurt twice as much! And he hadn’t even been able to successfully escape, what a disaster!

“Does your ass hurt?” Mello asked, seemingly reading his thoughts. He sounded amused.

“Yeah.” Light responded, sullenly.

“Oh my poor baby,” Mello mocked. “And it’s all because of me. And what you let me do Light, you’re such a good boy!” He praised him.

Light felt his face turn red.

“Well,” Mello said after a few moments. “Since now i’m awake, we might as well start getting ready. We have a very early flight today anyways.”

Chapter 20: 

Light followed Mello into the bathroom, very confused. Did he just say flight? Where to? Light didn’t want to fly, he had never flown before! The thought scared him quite badly.

“What flight?” He demanded.

Mello turned around, and stared at him visibly amused. “Oh right, I guess I forgot to tell you, huh?” He said, chuckling. “Well, before we fly to Japan to break into Headquarters, I need to stop in New York. Technically, It’s on the way. And I had to go there anyway, but now you get to come with me, lucky you.”

“Why do you have to go to New York?” Light questioned, very lost.

“Mafia stuff.” Mello answered offhandedly, and began using the toilet.

While he was reliving himself, Light realized that was the only explanation he was going to be getting.

‘I’ve never flown before.” He informed Mello. “I don’t want to go! Flying sounds scary, I don’t want to crash to my death."

“Mello flushed the toilet, and then turned back to Light. “Of course you’ve flown before! How do you think you got here?” He scowled.

“Well, that’s different! Because, obviously, I wasn’t conscious.” he defended himself. "How did you manage that anyways?” Light asked.

Mello started washing his hands. “Private jet.” He told him offhandedly. “But don’t expect to fly in that same luxury today! Stupid Ronny wouldn’t hand over the jet again, so we have to fly commercial like a bunch of commoners.” Mello complained. 

“Of course i’d be passed out the one time I get to fly on a private jet.” Light complained. He cursed his luck.

Mello only smirked at him, before turning on the shower. “Join me? We wouldn’t want to waste water.”

Before Light could say anything, he was dragged into the shower.

“It’s cold!” He shrieked!

Mello winced, “You’re a lot cuter before you open your mouth.” He told him.

“Ditto.” Light hatefully glared back.

“So you think i’m cute?” Mello taunted him.

Light paled, realizing what he had just said. “No.” He said, rather unconvincingly.

Mello rolled his eyes, “Yeah, because it’s not like you’re naked with me in the shower right now!” He said, very sarcastically.

Light had began to lather his hair in shampoo. “Don’t make it weird.” He muttered. 

Mello then pressed his wet, naked body to Light’s. “That wouldn’t be very fun.” He told him slyly.

Light froze, suddenly feeling an erection forming.

Mello smirked, before removing Light’s fingers from his hair and continuing to massage the shampoo into his caramel locks. Light, shocked, just let his head hang slightly back and closed his eyes. *Mmmm, head massage.* He thought, dreamily.

After Mello had finished rinsing the soap from Light’s head, Light began to return the favor, because he was polite like that. Mello leaned his head back into the water, and then suddenly began stroking Light. Light groaned, tightening his hold on the blonde’s locks.

Mello then grabbed a bar of soap and began to run it over Light’s body.

“Wait!” Light quickly said. “We skipped conditioner!”

Mello removed his grip on Light, and just stared at him. “I do conditioner last.” He told him.

“Well, that’s dumb.” Light informed him. “If you rinse conditioner out after you’ve already cleaned your body, then the conditioner will cause acne. But, if you clean your body after the conditioner, than you’ll be cleaner. With no more risk of acne!” He proudly told him.

“God, you really know how to turn a guy off huh?” Mello snapped, grabbing the conditioner and squirting a glob onto his hand.

“Excuse me! It’s not my fault i’m more knowledgeable about showers.” Light snapped, putting a generous amount of conditioner into his hair as well. 

“That’s not a thing that any one would say, like ever! Especially not anyone cool.” Mello told him hatefully.

Light glowered. “Well, then how come i’m so cool?” He bragged.

“Only you share that opinion.” Mello told him snippily.

Light gaped. *Misa thinks i’m cool.* He thought, sourly.

After the conditioner was rinsed out, Mello then surprisingly resumed his actions. He lathered the soap all over Light’s body generously, making sure to give extra attention to his erection. Light then grabbed the soap and repeated the action on Mello, tentatively stroking him as well. As both men started to moan, Light hazily had a thought cross his mind.

“I’m glad that I was caught before I could escape!”

Oh, this was bad….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and review! Also, no I do not own death note and NO I am making no $$$ from this teehee:)) The next chapter is when they all travel and....it's just a mess


End file.
